


Team Awesome

by Laria124



Category: Naruto
Genre: (OMG there is a tag for Ramen), Administrative Problem, Anko too, Anko-sensei - Freeform, BAMF Anko, BAMF Ino, BAMF Naruto, BAMF Shino, Dango, Friendship, Gai is a Good Bro, Gen, Genma Is Hot And Everybody Think So, Good Idea That Get A Little Out Of And, Hatake Kakashi is a Troll, Humor, Ino needs more strengh, Kakashi is just an ass, Kurenai Is A Good Bro, Naruto needs more hapiness, Or: Anko is given three minions, Prompt Fic, Ramen, Shino is not a wallpaper, Strong Female Characters, Team as Family, Teamwork, The Sandaime would like to know what he did to deserve this thank you, Together they can be terrifying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-07-27 16:50:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7626427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laria124/pseuds/Laria124
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fic idea from blackkatmagic:  <i>"Due to a clerical error, Anko ends up with a genin team. Given that the very idea of separating the enraptured Naruto, Ino, and Shino from their psychotic sensei causes spontaneous explosions, Sarutobi goes along with it, and is astonished to find that everything actually turns out for the better."</i></p><p>.</p><p>Mitarashi Anko is loud, obnoxious, vulgar, and scary. But she says what she thinks, and she thinks that Naruto's pranks are awesome, that Ino is both pretty and smart and potentially as cool as her dad, and that Shino had good taste in clothes and has a super-brain. So now the three kids want to be like her when they grow up, the original team assignments are shot, and half a dozen of Jonins are stuck unraveling this mess while Anko and her three pyromaniac are prancing around.</p><p>At least it won't be boring.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Who want a cute minion?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello people ! So, there, i gave in and wrote that AWESOME FIC IDEA given by [blackkat](http://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/pseuds/blackkat) on Tumblr. So, be prepared ! I actually wrote a fic with SEVERAL CHAPTER, in ENGLISH ! Keep in mind that it's not my mother langage, i learned English in school like everybody (well, also with English fanfictions, because that shit is addictive).
> 
> Anyway ! Here is the thing ! Starring mitarashi Anko, Uzumaki Naruto, Aburame Shino and Yamanaka Ino as Team Awesome, the Rookie Nine and their mysterious teachers (spoilers), and the poor Sandaime who did not see that coming.
> 
> With guest appearances of:  
> \- Shiranui Genma, Yamashiro Aoba, Namiashi Raidō and Ibiki Morino as the student-less Jounin Anko pester all the time.  
> \- Aburame Sonoka (Shino’s mom), Yamanaka Inoichi (Ino’s dad), Maito Gai (Anko’s friend), and Umino Iruka (Naruto’s friend and teacher) as the badass parental/sibling figures.  
> \- Hatake Kakashi as the resident asshole.
> 
> Enjoy !

The team assignments were, officially, lost due to a clerical error.  
In shinobi language, “Clerical error” is an umbrella term, really. The coffee stained the paper explaining the mission detail, leading to the assassination of the wrong crime lord? Clerical error. Genma napped in the briefing room, woke up in the middle of a very serious mission assignment and was mistakenly designed as team leader? Clerical error. There was an unauthorized payment from the Hokage’s office’s budget, used to buy _Icha Icha_? Obviously a clerical error, the Hokage would never buy pornography! Come on. So basically, if there is a fuck-up and there was paper involved, prior, during or after said fuck-up, it was a clerical error.

Anyway. The team assignment were lost because Konohamaru had just discovered exploding tags, and had tested one in his favorite teacher’s office.

Iruka was not pleased.

Well, nobody was pleased, except Konohamaru because that explosion has been _freakin’ awesome, did you see that guys?!_

But the fact was that the office was smoking, all papers had been turned to ashes, Iruka was rushed to the hospital because his coughing fit was actually painful to hear, and his face was beet red in a way that hinted at minor burns rather than at anger (though there was plenty of that), and the new graduates were going to be here within the next hour. Team assignments, of course, did not come with duplicates. And that was bad, because… because assigning a team to a Jounin-sensei was _monstrously complicated_. Teams were chosen after nearly a month of work, of studying psychological profiles and list of abilities, of carefully selecting the Jounins… It was long. It was painful. It was difficult. _It was not done in an hour._

Shimura Naoko-sensei looked at the disaster that was Iruka’s office, and her left eye twitched.

Shimura Naoko-sensei, headmistress of the Academy, was currently envisioning their short-term future, and it was _bad_. There had been a similar situation some twenty years ago, when she was still a young assistant-teacher. The graduates were forced to stay in the Academy for a month and a half. Something about a new roster of front-line fighters that changed all Jounins’ availability. The school was forced to keep the new Genins… and quickly descended into chaos. The new Genins were left with no supervision and tried to do _missions_ (like sabotaging classes), _training_ (like setting the courtyard on fire), or worse, _sparing_ (and breaking each-other’s arms, what the fuck Hatake). Four teachers cried, the building had to be evacuated twice, and they accumulated a three months delay in the curriculum (in a single month! How was it even _possible_!). They lost two Genins who just wandered on their own and ended up in the Forest Of Death. Eight academy students were pulled out by their parents, because the Academy was now a dent of insanity. It has been hell.

In short: Shimura Naoko-sensei was not dealing with this shit. Nope.

She turned to Suzume-sensei like a falcon pouncing on a defenseless mouse, and Suzume squeaked. Honest to God squeaked. Shimura Naoko-sensei was usually nice. But right now she was radiating killing intent, and it was that kind of moment that reminded her subordinates that she was a distant relative of Shimura Danzo, student of the Nidaime and Konoha number one terrifying retired ninja.

“They need a Jounin-sensei”, the headmistress hissed.

“But we don’t know who…” pitifully began Suzume.

“I. Do. Not. Care.” stressed Shimura Naoko-sensei. “They need a Jounin-sensei. Do you know why?”

“Because they are… Genins?”

“Because _I want them gone_. Every single one of them. _Gone_. Before midday, in three hours. And since killing our own Genins is mildly frowned upon, give them to a Jounin. Any Jounin.”

Suzume blinked.

“Any Jounin?” she checked.

“Anyone”, nodded Naoko-sensei. “Pick one, bring them here, tell them to pick three brats and to _leave_. Far away. Forever.”

Suzume-sensei looked dubious. But, well, she could understand Naoko-sensei’s feelings. This year’s class has been… difficult. Hair-pulling between clan heirs was a _nightmare_ , but they also had to deal with the Uchiha survivor (a psychopath in the making, if you asked Suzume-sensei), that demon brat, at least ten girls with the emotional maturity of a quilt, and five civilian boys so stupid they should have been downed at birth.

“What if the Jounin-sensei… doesn’t want them?” Suzuma managed to say rather diplomatically.

Naoko-sensei pursed her lips: “If they’re not happy with their pick later, they can trade with another Jounin-sensei. If we manage to recover the original teams assignments… We’ll see what we can do. In the meantime, _I don’t want any Genin in this building past midday_ , or I set them on fire. _Is that clear_?”

“Very clear!” Suzume squeaked.

Shimura Naoko-sensei harrumphed, turned on her heels, and headed to her office to plan a new class schedule. Iruka was in no state to lecture a bunch of brats. And with Mizuki as a traitor, they were now short two Chuunin-sensei. Organizing classes was going to be… Interesting.

Suzume took a moment to be happy she was not headmistress, then she turned and went to find as many Jounin as she could.

.

“Excuse-me, are you a Jounin?”

“… I am, indeed! A Jounin in the Springtime of his Youth! And I am waiting for my students, as they seem to have lost this race against me around the village!”

“Errrr, never mind.”

.

“Excuse-me, are you a Jounin?”

“Eh? Me? Sorry, just a Chuunin here! But if you want a Jounin, Morino Ibiki just turned the corner of the street. Careful, he is pissed.”

Suzume gulped. Yeah, how about no for this one?

.

“Nara-san! Nara-san! You are a Jounin, isn’t it? I have a job for you!”

Nara Shikaku, head of the Nara clan, shuddered from head to toes at the mention of the reviled word. A job implied work, and today was cloud-watching day. So he pretended very hard not hearing anything, and Shushined away with a speed that would have made the Yondaime proud.

“Oh, are you kidding me?” Suzume-sensei cursed.

.

“Excuse-me! Are you a Jounin?”

“Um, yes?”

“Great! I need your help! See, there was this little clerical error at the Academy, and the new Genins are…”

“Ah, sensei, I think there is a mistake. I, the honorable Ebisu, already have a pupil. I cannot take any more students, as I already gave my word to teach the way of shinobi to the young Konohamaru-kun!”

Suzume stopped, squinted, and Ebisu really should have noticed the dangerous twitch of her right hand. Really.

“Oh, you are young Sarutobi Konohamaru’s teacher, then? The one responsible for his _education_ and his _sense of responsibility_?”

“Indeed I am!”

.

“Excuse-me, shinobi-san! Are you a Jounin?”

“Whoa, stop right there, lady! I saw that punch. Granted, Ebisu probably deserved it, but I have a date and I can’t be late. Go give a black eye to someone else.”

.

“Shinobi-san?”

The weirdo in a mask raised his eyes from his book, and blinked.

“Hm?”

“Are you a Jounin?”

“Maaa, you could say that…”

“Thanks god!” Suzume exclaimed. “I need you to…”

But her pleading died on her lips when she recognized the book and its bright orange color. The book that the Jounin was reading. Here. In the street. In public. In broad daylight. Where he could be seen by innocent children.

“IS THAT PORNOGRAPHY?!”

.

“I can’t do this anymore,” moaned Suzume-sensei, dragging her feet. “Where do they find their damn Jounin-sensei? It’s been an hour already, the Genins must be waiting… What a nightmare! If only I could find a Jounin!”

“Well, you only need to ask” said an amused voice.

She turned. And blinked. Four ninjas were standing just behind her, apparently just coming out of a dango store. There was a smiling guy with sunglasses and a spiky haircut, next to another man who was chewing on a senbon, laid back and hands in his pockets. Behind them were a kunoichi with purple hair and a long coat, who still had a dango stick in her hand and a mouth full of sweets, and a man with a bumpy and ugly scar on the left side of his face.

“You’re too nice, Aoba,” sighed the guy with the scar on his face.

“Shut up Raidō,” scowled the one with sunglasses (Aoba, apparently). “Somebody needs to be, with you social misfits.”

The kunoichi snorted, her dango went down the wrong way, and she began to cough. The scarred guy (Raidō) began to thump her back, glaring at Aoba: “See? Niceness never ends well.”

“Not my fault if Anko’s allergic to amiability!”

The senbon-chewing guy rolled his eyes, then turned to Suzume, letting his friends bicker: “Anyway. Problem?”

Suzume-sensei blinked, then joined her hands and practically begged: “Are you Jounins?”

“… Yes.”

“All four of you?”

“Yes?”

It was too good to be true. They were probably insane, of irresponsible, or… _Something_. But Suzume couldn’t have cared less. She had done it! Shimura Naoko-sensei was going to be so proud! With stars in her eyes, she took both hands of the cute, senbon-chewing Jounin (who looked rather alarmed), and resisted the urge to hug him. Her hero. Her life-saver.

“Jounin-san, I need your help. There was this little explos… Er, clerical mistake at the Academy. You can probably still see the smoke from here. Anyway, I need you to choose three kids among the new Genins, they’re in the class A3, and to… take them as your students. Just temporarily!”

“What, we can choose?” asked Aoba with disbelief.

“Yes! You can choose them. You can train them. You can also just tell them to go home, or use them to do your laundry, or make them do D-rank missions and take a cut from the pay. We need them gone from the building!”

“What about the actual Jounin-sensei?” said Raidō with skepticism.

“Clerical mistake,” repeated Suzume-sensei. “We just need a temporary solution until we can… well, find them.”

There was a short silence, then the kunoichi of the group –who seemed to have finally gulped down her dango– slowly let a terrifying smile stretch her lips.

“Are you saying”, she began with barely concealed delight, “that we can have our own minions?”

“Er, Anko…” hesitated the guy in sunglasses.

But Suzme-sensei was already furiously nodding, painfully aware of the seconds tricking by, and of the impending doom awaiting their Genins if Shimura Naoko-sensei found them teacher-less past midday.

Bursting into maniacal laughter, Anko charged toward the Academy, and promptly disappeared in the streets. The cute senbon-chewing Jounin closed his eyes with resignation, Aoba hid his face in his hands, and his friend Raidō comfortingly patted his shoulder.

“I’m going to look for Kurenai”, he offered. “Maybe she can do some damage control.”

  

**oOoOoOo**

“They are late”, grumbled Naruto.

“Shut up, Naruto-baka!” growled Sakura, raising her fist threateningly.

“He’s right!” loudly complained Kiba. “They said to wait here but it’s going to be two hours and nobody came!”

“Calm down,” snorted one of the boys. “It’s been barely fifteen minutes.”

“Troublesome,” sighed Shikamaru.

“Here, take a crisp!” offered his friend Chōji.

“Where are those damn Jounin-sensei?” whined Ino. “And when are we supposed to know which team we are in and with who? I want to be with Sasuke-kun!”

“Shut up, Ino-pig!”

“WHAT DID YOU SAY, FOREHEAD?!”

Naruto scowled. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke… What did he have that made him so special? He was a jerk! And an ugly one! Naruto began to rise from his seat, intent on staring down that bastard and teach him who was the coolest ninja here…

… And the window exploded.

Two kunai planted themselves in the ceiling, letting a long black cloth fall between them like a banner, reading _“Come to me, Team Awesome!”_ in white letters. In the same breath, a kunoichi had jumped in front of her banner, striking a pose.

“Mitarashi Anko-sensei has arrived! Be afraid, for what I’m here to collect my minions!”

“Minions?” repeated Shikamaru.

Nobody heard him. The shock, probably. Or maybe Naruto’s yell, the boy literally rising from his seat his enthusiasm:

“That was SO AWESOME! I’m going to enter EVERYWHERE like this, believe it!”

“Ah!” exclaimed Anko, pointing a finger to the young Uzumaki with an approving glint in her eyes. “This one has taste! You’ll be Minion Number One!”

“Eh?”

“Now, I need two others,” mused Anko, her eyes looking over the petrified students. “I already have the loudmouthed one, now I need a cool-and-quiet one… You! Yes, you, with the cool vest and the sunglasses. I like your style. You’ll be Minion Number Two.”

Aburame Shino just blinked. Anko smirked, then sought her next victim with an ominous smile. Every single student stopped breathing.

“And a girl, now…”

Hinata made herself as small and invisible as possible. She would have loved to be on the same team that Naruto-kun, really, but that teacher was just too scary for her. Anko’s smirk grew, and suddenly her eyes stopped on their target and she snapped her fingers (about two thirds of the class jumped in their seats):

“You!”

“Me?” Ino squeaked.

“Yup, you, the pretty one. The others look boring. You’ll be Minion Number Three.”

Anko then clapped her hands once, looking absolutely delighted, while the three designated students exchanged stunned glances. The others kids seemed just glad to not have been chosen by The Crazy One.

“Perfect!” clamed said crazy kunoichi. “Starting today, we are Team Awesome, or Team Anko for short. Let’s begin the party!”

 _She is my kind of people_ , thought an overjoyed Naruto, bouncing on his feet: “Yes, Anko-sensei!”

“Oh my God”, whispered Ino.

Shino said nothing. Maybe he was closing his eyes really hard behind his glasses, hoping it was just a bad dream. Too bad for him.

“Come on, minions! Follow me towards Awesomeness!”

Resigned, Shino obeyed. Ino followed him mechanically. Naruto was already on his sensei’s heels before she made it to the door, and was all but bouncing like an over-excited puppy. Anko had to make a conscious effort not to pat his head. She just smirked triumphantly, and left the class with a conquering step, followed by her three students.

And thus, Team Anko was formed.

__._ _

“So!” began Anko after swallowing her dangos (yes, they bought dango. Well, Anko bought ten, let them have one each, and just ate the seven others in less than a minute. What the hell). “I volunteered to be your sensei until the Academy could find your original team and Jounin-sensei, so don’t disappoint me, brats. I don’t want whiny kids, I want ninjas!”

Naruto already thought that she hung the stars, because her entrance had been cool and because she bought him food. Okay, it was dango, not ramen, but still. Food! Nobody but Hokage-jiji and Iruka ever bought him food. Anko-sensei was now his third favorite person ever!

Shino was doubtful. Well, it was hard to say with the sunglasses and the high collar of his coat but he seemed doubtful. He still hadn’t said a word, quietly following and observing their sensei. Now, sitting next to Naruto on the park bench in front of Anko (who was sitting on a garden wall, perfectly comfortable and looking down to them), he was slowly eating his dango, still mute.

Ino has been almost as quiet. She had yelled at Naruto once when he (loudly) asked for ramens, and she had asked a few questions to their new sensei (“Don’t teams have number?” “Not this time, we’re a temporary team.” “Could you swap Naruto or Shino for Sasuke-kun, please?” “Nah. Don’t doubt the sensei. That’s rule number three.” “What are the others rules?” “Later. Now, dango!”). But the truth was, Ino was pretty much dismayed. Loud, tomboyish, rude and always moving, this Anko-sensei was a lot like Naruto or Kiba. Not at all the kind of sensei Ino would have wanted!

“First, I need to know who you are and what you can do!” continued Anko. “Names, likes, dislikes, dreams for the futures, abilities and specialization, hobbies, that kind of thing. So, let’s start with me, the cornerstone of Team Awesome. I’m Mitarashi Anko! Tokubestu Jounin, assassination and infiltration specialist! I’m a great taijutsu and ninjutsu user. Ah, and I also use poisons. My hobbies include making poisons, testing poisons, scaring idiots, hanging out with my friends, tea ceremonies, and being generally awesome. I like dango, drinking with my friends, inappropriate jokes, and cute kimonos. I own, like, seven of them, but I can’t wear them on duty, they’ll get ruined. Anyway! I dislike traitors, oath-breakers and all that scum, spicy food –that stuff is terrible, and if a guy dressed in green try to make you eat curry, punch him in the face–, and… Well, people judging others on things that they can’t control, like the fact that they had a crappy sensei. My dreams for the future are first to kill a certain guy, who is an asshole and a traitor by the way, second to settle down with a nice guy who can hold his sake, and third to be a respected shinobi of the Leaf.”

“Me! Me!” bounced Naruto until Anko, chuckling, gave him the floor. “My name is Uzumaki Naruto, believe it! I’m the most awesome ninja ever! I’m good at… at… pranks. And at making traps. And at escaping from angry people. And jokes! My hobbies are pulling pranks and eating ramen. I like ramen, and the color orange, and Hokage-jiji and Iruka-sensei! I dislike the how long a kettle takes to boil for instant ramen, and people who hate me for stupid reasons like, stuff that I can’t control and all that. My dream is to be Hokage, believe it!”

“What, just one dream?” chided Anko. “That’s boring. What are you going to do when you accomplish it, just sit here and wait? New rule: you all need at least four dreams!”

“You only gave us three!” Ino complained.

“Suck to be you," deadpanned Anko. “Minion Number One, care to try again?”

“Yeah! My dreams are, er, became Hokage so the villagers respect me! That’s the first one. The second one, er… I want to eat ramen all my life! The third is… er… it’s… having friends! A lot of friends. And the fourth is… to… be awesome?”

“Good dreams, minion” approved Anko. “Next! Minion Number Two!”

Shino swallowed his dango, and stated dully:

“My name is Aburame Shino. I am a tracker and a long-range fighter. Why? Because I use my clan techniques.”

“What is that?” whispered Naruto at Ino.

Of course, he was so loud that everybody heard him. Ino grinded her teeth, glaring at him, but Anko just smiled brightly, apparently pleased:

“The Aburame Clan use kikaishū, special insects that can absorb, track and detect chakra. Looks like I got lucky when I picked you! Aburame are great for tracking or capture missions.”

Shino mutedly inclined his head, acknowledging Anko’s praise, and resumed his introduction in a monotonous tone:

“My hobbies are entomology, the study of insects, and collecting new specimens for my collection. I like training, caring for my hive, and strategy games. Why? Because it is relaxing and quiet. I dislike inattentive people, smelly food, and people who dislike insects. My dreams are to fight someone strong, to discover a new species of insect, to have a united team, and to maybe be a teacher in a few years.”

“Not bad,” judged Anko. “Next!”

“My name is Yamanaka Ino” began Ino. “Like Shino, I’m not a close-range melee fighter because I use my clan technique.”

“What clan technique?” asked Naruto again.

“Reading mind and possessing people,” Ino said flippantly.

“Like… a ghost?”

“Stupid! Ghosts don’t possess people! Yamanaka do!”

“It’s dead useful for retrieval, capture or interrogation missions” added Anko. “But when they do that, Yamanaka leave their bodies. Big liability on the field. We’ll work on that.”

“Isn’t it what my team is for?” frowned Ino. “Capture the target and protect my body while I possess the enemy?”

“In the Ino-Shika-Chō formation, yeah” Anko acknowledged. “But that team is not the Ino-Shika-Chō. Besides, what about solo missions? Multiple team missions? Missions in another team? Are you really gonna rely on the others so carelessly? That’s so not awesome. You’re a shinobi, you’re gonna learn how to kick ass with or without your clan techniques!”

“… Yeah. Right. Okay. So… My hobbies are shopping, learning secrets or gossip –same thing, really–, and reading stories, mostly romance or crime. I like… Sasuke-kun… fruits and cake… stories… and exploring new places. I dislike traitors and people who turn their back to their friends, people with no fashion sense, and being bored. My dreams for the future are to prove Forehead-girl that she’s a stupid, frivolous girl with no sense of loyalty whatsoever, and then to marry Sasuke-kun. I also want to be like my father, a strong shinobi of the Leaf, and… to have a family one day.”

“Not bad, your dad is a cool guy,” noted Anko. “So! Next stage: practical skills! Minion Number One… No, wait, that’s a mouthful after a while. I’m going to all you One-kun, that’ll be shorter.”

“Why not just Naruto?” blinked the boy, baffled.

“Because bossing people and calling them minions is super-awesome. You’ll see when you’ll be the boss of someone.”

Naruto opened wide eyes, suddenly hit by an idea: “Wait, if I have kids… peoples… whatever. If there are peoples who call me _ _ _ __boss_ , ____I can call them _ _ _ __minions_ , ____and that’ll make me awesome? Because there’s that kid who follow me around…”

“Yup. Wait, _ _ _ __you_____ have a minion?! I can believe a ten years old had a minion before me!”

“I’m twelve!”

“Whatever. Come on, practical skills now. See the training ground there? One-kun, if you’re good with traps, impress me. You have ten minutes. Two-kun, Three-chan, go with him, watch him, and help him. You’re a team now, that’s important. Oh, Two-kun, careful with your kikaishū, I have so many poisons in my blood that it could hurt them. Come on, chop chop!”

The three kids scampered, and Anko smirked. Oh, she liked being a teacher. She really, really liked it.  
Now, she had ten minutes to spare… Just the time for a few dangos!

  

**oOoOoOo**

_Meanwhile, at the Academy…_

.

“Hello, kids. I’m Shiranui Genma, tokubetsu Jounin. I’m taking three of you as my students today. I don’t really know you, so… Is there anyone who’s good with taijutsu or weapons techniques? Also, volunteers, please state your names.”

“Me! Karisaya Ami!”

“Me, too! Jinta!”

“Choose me! I’m Inuzuka Kiba and I’m cool! And Akamaru is, too!”

“Me! Heiwa Mariko! And choose Sasuke-kun, too! He is super-strong!”

“Well, if he is, he probably can speak for himself”, Genma stated after a mindful glance at the Uchiha survivor, who scowled.

Genma decided to not touch that kid and his mental trauma with a ten-foot pole. All Uchiha were pretty much douchebags with tons of issues, anyway. Instead, he turned toward the others kids with a pleasant smile.

“So, Karisaya, Jinta, and Inuzuka, with me. Let’s go!”

.

“Hello, Genins! I’m Yamashiro Aoba. I’m taking three students today. My specialty is information-gathering, so, strategy games’ adepts or people wishing to specialize in spying, please raise your hand and state your name.”

“Me! Dondon Eiki, sir!”

“Me, too. I’m Kita Natsumi!”

“Me! Nobutsumi!

“Er, sensei? Shikamaru fell asleep…”

“A Nara, eh?” said Aoba with a considering look. “Wake him, I’m bringing him. I’m also taking Dondon and Kita. Good luck, the others!”

“… Troublesome…”

.

“Good morning. I’m Yuhi Kurenai. Now, I was supposed to be the permanent sensei of Team 8, but seeing as there was a clerical error and that two of my student are already gone… Hyuuga Hinata, please come forward.”

“Y-y-yes, sensei.”

“Good. Now, I need two others students. Who is skilled at genjutsu?”

“Me, sensei. I’m Haruno Sakura.”

“Me, too! I’m Sasaki Miwa !”

“Me! Yukimura Toshiro!”

“Well. Haruno and Sasaki, follow me. It is unusual to have an all-kunoichi team, but that’ll do for today.”

.

“Good morning, everyone. I’m Sarutobi Asuma. I was supposed to be Team 10’s sensei, but, eh, things happened. So… Akimichi Chōji, you’re with me. Anyone interested in close-range melee combat?”

“Me. Uchiha Sasuke.”

“… Okay… Anyone else?”

“Sato Haruka!”

“Yamasaki Anri!”

“Oshiro Saaya!”

“Mina!”

“Whoa, calm down girls! Mina, you’re with me. Let’s go!”

.

“Hello, I’m Namiashi Raidō…”

“Hello, Genins. My name is Ensui Nara…”

“Good morning”, _*cough*_ , “I’m Gekkō Hayate…”

“Hi, kids! I’m Inuzuka Gaku…”

“Good morning. My name is Hyuuga Iroha…”

_And, about three hours later…_

“Hello Team 7, I’m Hatake Kakashi and… Uh? Where is everyone? Is it the wrong classroom?”

   

**oOoOoOo**

Anko was proud.

Okay, at the beginning, when Naruto had attacked head on with ten Kage Bunshin, she was a bit disappointed. But the kid used the clones to lure her in a trap (a shuriken launcher, a classic). Then into another one (with mud and a stink bomb, this one. Clever). Then into another, and another… With occasional appearances from Shino or Ino, usually to bait Anko in one direction or the other. They had pretty good teamwork, for beginners.

Shino had decent taijutsu, but only the basic Academic form. His speed was average, but he had good endurance, though. He was a strategist, too: Anko heard him twice correctly predict her next move (well, her summon heard him. What, you thought that she wouldn’t send a snake to what the inside work of her team?!)  
Ino was quickly out of breath. Running from trap to trap, climbing trees, following her teammates (who were both gifted with good stamina) was taking a lot of effort. But she had a really good aim with senbon and kunai, noted Anko with some pleasure. Also, sharp eyes, and maybe a dormant sensor ability. Sneaking on her was almost as difficult as sneaking on Shino, and he had his kikaishū.  
Naruto seemed to be leading the charge. Well, his clones did. Leading Anko from a trap to another, jumping on her from trees to surprise her. His use of the Kage Bunshin was astonishing, really. He could make, what, fifty clones?! Even the Hokage couldn’t do that without being dizzy! Bu noooo, Naruto didn’t even break a sweat!

Probably the only advantage of the Fox, though.

The Kage Bunshin were cool. But the traps, the traps! And the running, leading the pursuer exactly where he wanted! It was beautiful. Hidden holes covered with grass, weapon launchers made of twigs and some ninja wire, noose innocently laying on the ground and barely visible, decoys, false traps leading in true traps, ambush of clones, clones henge into wire and shuriken, clones henge into decoys who attacked her when she thought she saw right through the trap, and bombs! Paint bombs. Glitter bombs. Glue bombs. Stink bombs. From where did he get that?! It was amazing! Well, also completely apocalyptic, but amazing!

That kid was going to _amazing_ at sabotage and infiltration. She couldn’t wait to introduce him to explosives notes.

Anyway. Anko was proud. She had chased them for nearly two hours. The kids had lasted way longer than she would have thought! She caught Shino first, his kikaishū making him easy to track for who knew that weakness. Ino was next: Anko used a Kamiwari and replaced herself with the young kunoichi just before activating one of Naruto’s trap (glitter bomb. Purple. It suited Ino perfectly.). Naruto was the hardest to catch: the brat was good at running and hiding, when he tried. A true prankster, indeed. And holy cow, he was good at hiding in his clones! She only caught him because he keep trying to free his captured teammate and couldn’t resist the temptation to do so himself.

But well, she caught them all, so, time for a break.

“Okay, good job Team Awesome!” she yelled. “Now, it’s dango time! Also, debriefing. Ah! New rule: debriefing is also dango time!”

“How many rules do we have?” Ino asked wearily.

“That is not the right question”, said Shino. “Why? Because we don’t even know what the rules are.”

Anko blinked: “Good point. Let’s talk about that after the briefing. Now, dango!”

Naruto, his face covered of mud because Anko had caught him by tackling him into his own mud-and-glue trap, whined pitifully: “Can’t we have ramen?”

“Maybe later,” allowed Anko.

And she cut the rope. Oh, yeah, there was a rope because of course she tied up her captured students. It was part of the game, and the game was fun! Also, tying them up in top of a big tree, rocking with the wind about ten feet above a stinky pond, was even funnier.  
Ino didn’t really think so, but Anko told her that her opinion didn’t count, so.

Anko cut the rope, and watched her student crash into the pond after a very short free fall and an equally short horrified scream.

“Come on, minions!” she laughed.

Intelligible yelling was her only answer. Anko snorted, affected an air of dramatic resignation, and finally sighed.

“Well, you kind of deserved that for all your nasty traps. New life lesson, kids! When you attack, be prepared to be attacked in the same way or worse. Beside, since One-kun and Three-chan were already covered in various gummy substances, I couldn’t let Two-kun miss this wonderful, team-bonding experience.”

She met their three furious glares, snorted, and offered:

“Onsen, and then dango?”

“Ramen,” opposed Naruto.

“Seconded,” grunted Ino because she was petty.

“… Agreed,” said Shino because he was hungry.

“And you’re paying!” Naruto added loudly.

“Pfff. Fine! It’s almost time for lunch anyway. Come on, minions! To the onsen!”

.

Ino immerged herself in hot water with a sigh of pure bliss. She was clean, she was comfortable, she didn’t smell pond anymore, her hair was dirt free, the towels were soft, her muscles could finally relax, and she was happy.

“I forgive you," she informed Anko.

“Thanks,” said the Jounin with dry amusement.

“I forgive you too, sensei!” yelled Naruto from the other side of the fence separating the men’s side and the women’s side.

There was a noise of water, almost as if somebody had kicked someone else in the water, and Shino added flatly: “And me too, sensei.”

Cute.

Anko snorted, then stretched, making her neck pop, and leant comfortably against the pool edge. She loved onsen. Everybody loved onsen, anyway. Well, maybe not Shino. Aburame didn’t have anything against water, but long and too warm baths could be uncomfortable for their hive. So, no more than one hour of soaking in hot water. There was a reason Aburame used mostly lukewarm showers.

“Well, since we’re all here… Debriefing!” called Anko.

“Isn’t debriefing only with dango?” said Naruto dubiously.

“Yeah, it was in the rules!” approved Ino.

“What are the rules?” asked Shino quietly.

“Yeah, the rules!” remembered Anko. “Okay, listen up, minions. That set of rules is the Rules Of Awesomeness. You follow them, and you’ll be Awesome, and cool, and nobody will dare talk shit about you.”

“Really?” exclaimed Naruto from behind the fence.

“Yup. And if one dumbass try to mutter things behind your back, well, nobody will have _his_ back, because people will be all ‘whoa, that’s so _not awesome_ , the way he talk about Anko-sama’. Got it, minions?”

“Yeah!”

“Great. So, here are the Rules of Awesomeness!”

Anko raised one finger, and stated very seriously: “Rule number one: be loyal to your village. Be unquestionably, _undoubtedly loyal_. Konoha is your home. The worst kind of shinobi is the one who abandons their home, who betrays the trust of their comrades, who breaks their oath to serve and protect. _Be. Loyal_. Ninjas are people who sneak in the dark and cut throats for money: our only honor lies in our loyalty to the village.”

Ino nodded slowly. That was… something she hadn’t considered. She always knew she could count on her family, her parents, her clan. For her, Konoha was above all her family, her little universe. But knowing the true honor was in the village as a whole, it suddenly made her see the bigger picture.

“Rule number two!” continued Anko, raising a second finger. “Keep fighting. If you give up, if you _ever_ give up, just for one moment, _you’re dead_. It applies in battle, but also in training, in missions, in your everyday lives. Never back down. Never stop fighting. As long as you fight, you’re _alive_.”

“That’s my Ninja Way!” Naruto yelled from his pool. “I never give up!”

Anko snorted, and the atmosphere lightened. Ino leant against the fence, amused. They were really listening religiously to Anko-sensei… but Ino had to admit, it was deserved. Anko-sensei was weird, and loud, and completely freaking nuts, but they had learn a lot during their short test of practical skill, and Ino was feeling like a real ninja.

“Rule number three: don’t doubt the sensei,” Ino said with a small smile.

“Right,” laughed Anko before growing serious. “But the two previous rules take precedence over this one, minions. Never forget this.”

“What does that means?” demanded Naruto.

“Well”, thought Anko. “Obey your sensei, but if your sensei tells you to roll over and die, don’t obey him. Or her. And if you sensei is disloyal towards the village, you must always choose the village over your sensei.”

“The order of the rules is important,” deducted Shino. “Each rule can be overridden by the prior one.”

“Yup. The second beats the third, the first beats the second, etc. And that’s why the rule number one cannot be broken. Ever. Are we clear?”

“Clear!” answered the kids as one.

“Are there others rules?” Ino asked curiously.

“Rule number four: be grateful for life’s small favors. Such as friends. Or dango. You’ll see, the world is shit without them. Rule number five: never use a poison without an antidote. So if you use something to hurt or kill, you must know the consequences and be prepared to deal with it. And rule number six: leave no man behind. No comrade abandoned in a mission, ‘cause that makes you a traitor. No friend left and forgotten, ‘cause that how you lose them, and when you try to reconnect, it’ll maybe be too late. And no enemy breathing on a battlefield if you can, ‘cause if your enemy survives, he’ll come back to slit your throat.”

Ino gulped. Quietly, Shino declared: “It’s logical. Why? Because most people will try to hurt back those who hurt them. Sometime for justice, sometime for revenge. Such is the nature of the human heart, especially in the word of ninjas.”

“That sucks”, sulked Naruto. “If I kill someone, how can I become friend with them?”

“… You don’t become friend with the enemy, idiot!” finally said Ino after her initial bafflement. “Why would you want to become friend with somebody you’re fighting with?”

And how did he dare to contradict Anko-sensei? Anko-sensei knew what she was talking about, it was obvious. And she was so cool! So strong! So confident! Who cared that she was loud and rude, she inspired respect, and Ino had already decided about fifteen minutes in the practical test that she wanted to be as awesome as Anko-sensei.

“But that’s how Konoha was made!” exclaimed Naruto. “The Uchiha and the Senju were at war, but they made peace, and they made the village. Jiji told me so!”

Ino marked a pause, because. Damn. Naruto got a point. A really good one, at that. The establishment of Konoha was one of the most important lessons taught in the Academy, and it was centered on forgiveness between two enemy clans. Ino hesitantly glanced at Anko-sensei.

The tokubetsu Jounin blinked, thoughful.

“You’re right, kid. Okay, how about that: leave no enemy breathing on the battlefield, but if it’s not an enemy anymore, feel free to spare the guy. Better?”

“Yeah!”

“Great. Now, I believe I promised ramen…”

“RAMEN!”

 

**oOoOoOo**

That evening, all the temporary Jounin-sensei held a meeting in a classroom obligingly loaned by the Academy. Honestly, Shimura Naoko-sensei was happy to provide them with empty rooms as long as they kept their kids away. She did not want a repeat of that fiasco of twenty years ago!

Anyway. The Jounin-sensei held a meeting, sharing notes, comparing profiles and talents, and deciding who passed and who stayed. After all, 66% of Genins did not pass their final test and went back to the Academy or entered the Genins Corps, or quit being ninjas. Kakashi was notably absent, even if he was  supposed to be a Jounin-sensei. But after all, he hadn’t taken any student today, isn’t it?  
Whatever. The others were doing just fine without him.

“Hinata passes,” commented Kurenai. “She has a crippling anxiety issue, but she’s good. The rest of my team, though… I’m not sure.”

“Who did you have?” asked Iruka, going through his notes.

The Chuunin, recruited while he was trying to salvage some papers from his burned office, was their appointed secretary. Since most of the files on the students were gone in the explosion, Iruka was making info-cards from memory, and helped the Jounin to establish the kids’ profiles.

“Sasaki and Haruno. Sasaki has a good control of her chakra but no other skill whatsoever, she need at least another year in the Academy. Haruno is smart, very smart, on multiple subjects, and she has good chakra control, but… her taijutsu is too weak. She has the brain and the will to be a shinobi, but she needs proper guidance.”

“So, Sasaki Miwa doesn’t pass”, noted Iruka on a long list. “But Haruno Sakura does. Next?”

“Nara Shikamaru is a genius,” offered Aoba. “Supremely lazy, but a genius. He passes. Kita shows potential, too. She’s a good strategist, with decent taijutsu, but she really doesn’t go along with Shikamaru so… another team? Or an apprenticeship. And Dondon, the last Genin, is hopeless. He’s sneaky but he doesn’t have the maturity needed. He tried to sabotage Kita to earn himself points.”

“Nara Shikamaru passes,” noted Iruka. “Kita Natsumi passes for the moment. And Dondon Eiki… fails. Next one?”

“Inuzuka passes”, said Genma. “Barely, but he passes. The others two aren’t ready.”

“Inuzuka Kiba passes. Jinta fails, and Karisaya Ami too. Next one?”

“The twins on my team failed”, stated Hayate after a short fit of coughing. “They were complete disaster. That being said… The other boy deserves another try. His stamina is pitiful, but he’s very good with genjutsu. Incredible chakra control, too.”

“The Kurobochi twins fail. It isn’t surprising” sighed Iruka. “Those two weren’t ready. But Yukimura Toshiro pass, that’s a good thing. Next one?”

“The two boys in my team aren’t so bad”, stated Hyuuga Iroha. “They both have acceptable skills for children raised in civilian families. There is room for individual progress, but they’re a good duo. The girl is a spoiled brat, completely unable to keep up.”

“Kinji and Ikeda Otani temporary pass,” noted Iruka. “They should stay together. And Abe Suzuka fails. Okay, who else?”

“Uchiha Sasuke passes,” said Asuma, lighting a cigarette (and promptly extinguishing it after making eyes contact with the disapproving Kurenai). “He’s brilliant. He has a serious attitude problem, though. Since we have temporary team, I didn’t bother with the presentation and all the talk about dreams and hobbies…”

“Nobody did," assured Nara Ensui with a yawn.

“… But I’m sure it would have been mildly disturbing. I managed to make him listen to me after giving him a few pointers, telling him it was some advice given by an Uchiha. I told him his taijutsu style would be much more efficient with a partner, all blunt force, to push his adversary exactly where he need them to be. Did you know what he said? ‘I don’t need anyone’!

“And they wanted to give him to _Kakashi_ ,” chuckled Genma. “Poor kid. No, actually, poor Kakashi.”

“What did you told him?” Iruka asked wearily.

“I said that being in a team was a gigantic advantage, especially against a solo enemy. Like, for example… a missing-nin.”

Someone groaned. Others face-palmed. But Asuma just snorted: “Eh, it worked. He listened to me like I was giving him the secrets of the universes. ‘This is the point of the team’, I told him. ‘They optimize your fighting and you optimize their. Individually, everyone has weaknesses: stamina, or strategy, or speed… But together, weaknesses are cancelled, and there is only strength’.”

“The Sarutobi brain in action,” smirked Inuzuka Gaku.

“He probably didn’t even notice you were manipulating him,” said Kurenai with amusement.

“Eh! It’s for a good cause. And give me some credit, I’m a Jounin and he’s a twelve year old, emotionally scarred kid. Anyway, I spend half my time grooming that idiot. ‘A lone fighter is always targeted first’, ‘for a ninja in this word, solitude is self-sabotage’, ‘to be stronger, you need to know your faults and work on them, and your team can help you this that without pity or judgment, because when they help you, they’re improving too, so it’s a win-win’. I barely observed my two other students, because I was too busy defusing that freaking time bomb of a kid. Seriously. He needs so much therapy.”

“So, your other students…?”

“Oh, well. I think Chōji passes. At the end, I made him work with Sasuke, and they went along fine. The girl, Mina, has a good taijutsu but she’s hopeless as soon as Sasuke enter her field of vision.”

“For the moment, they all pass” decided Iruka. “Mina’ll go in another team tomorrow.”

“That’s cool with me.”

“Great. So… Now… Who else?”

There was a silence. After a few seconds, Genma exasperatedly nudged Anko, who was drowsing on a chair. She jerked upright, glaring at her friend.

“What? Give me a break!”

“You can’t be that tired,” protested Genma.

“Eh! I chased the kids all morning in the forest, then in the afternoon we did taijutsu training. Ok, that doesn’t sound so bad. But I had to use two Kage Bunshin! One to tutor Ino-chan –dude, she has _no muscles_ , she need remedial athletic training–, one to teach proper katas to Naruto-kun, and myself was sparring with Shino-kun who was sucking my chakra _at the same time_! Well, my poisons make me mostly immune to kikaishū, but it was still annoying. And when I came back here Gai challenged me to a spar!”

“Wait, you accepted?” said Raidō, bewildered.

“Well, no. Not at first. But he insisted. Just five minutes, he said. He promised me dango. So, uh, yeah? So I’m dead tired. Who wouldn’t, after using Kage Bunshin and sparing with that nutcase afterward? Anyway, I need to sleep. We have a rematch tomorrow and this time, it’ll be ninjutsu allowed. I’m gonna barbeque his ass.”

“Your friendship with Gai will never cease to baffle me” muttered Kurenai, shaking her head. “Anyway, what about your Genins? Did they pass?”

“Ah, my minions! The loudmouthed blonde, the prettier blonde, and the quiet-and-cool one? They pass. They’re best friends now. I love them. Tomorrow I think I’ll throw them in a river or something, you know? It’s the perfect weather to learn how to walk on water.”

Iruka stared, jaw-slacked. Genma patted his shoulder: “You’ll get used to her. Just… Mark down that her students passed.”

Iruka marked it down. On one hand he was glad that Naruto passed. One the other… He wasn’t sure to approve his choice of sensei.

But hey, it was temporary, right?

… Somehow, he had a bad feeling about that.


	2. Team 4 or the suprise selection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ! Here is the next chapter ! Thanks a lot to my awesome Beta who saved you from my terrible spelling mistakes and ponctuation errors x)
> 
> Anyway. Enjoy!

“Eh guys, Iruka-sensei is back!” exclaimed Kiba when their teacher entered the classroom. “Looks like he didn’t blow up after all!”

“Iruka-sensei!”

“We were worried!”

“Are you okay?”

“Iruka-sensei!”

The Chuunin suppressed a smile. The kids were loud and overexcited, but God, he had missed them. He liked being a teacher for these moments: being around the children, watching them laugh, helping them progress. Weren’t they adorable? So happy and innocent, with bright eyes and so much optimism for the future! Yeah, Iruka loved his job. Even when it was getting him blown up.  
Chuckling, he raised a hand.

“Silence! Silence, kids! Alright, I’m back. I’m okay, I just had some ash in my lung, it just itched. Like when you have a cold, and then you have a frog stuck in your throat. Nothing to worry about. Let’s talk about you instead! You noticed that a lot of kids didn’t come today, right?”

Everybody nodded. Yesterday, they were twice as many. Iruka smiled:

“Well, after graduation, when Genins are assigned to a Jounin-sensei, this Jounin often tests their team. If the Genins fail, they go back to the Academy, or try their luck in the Genin Corps. Yesterday, many failed their test. If you’re still here, you passed it… For now.”

“For now?” wearily repeated Chōji.

“Yes. In fact, today, Jounins are going to select three students again. Not necessarily the same ones. You can decide to stay together if your Jounin agree, though. But anyway, today, there is a new test. I don’t think a lot are going to fail, though. Today, the Jounin are not looking to see who is fit for duty and who isn’t. They’re looking for a balanced team.”

All the students began to talk to each others, wanting to be with Such and Such. Girls tried to sit closer to Sasuke, who just glowered (he was sitting next to Chōji, and with Shikamaru on the other side of the young Akimichi, their bench was full). Some kids were arguing because they wanted to keep their sensei. But on the back of the classroom, one bench was particularly quiet… Ino, Shino and Naruto, sitting together, exchanged a glance. They were feeling the same reluctance to have a new team… or a new sensei. Anko-sensei was already so cool! So awesome!

“We stay together?” asked Naruto, almost shyly.

“We stay together,” firmly approved Ino.

“I agree” said Shino with what could almost pass for relief.

In the row just before them, Hinata ducked her head with a crushing sense of disappointment. Naruto didn’t want to change teams… so she couldn’t to be with him today either. But maybe it was for the best? Hinata suppressed a shudder at the thought of the scary Anko-san. And besides, it was good that Naruto finally made friends (even if it was with Ino and Shino, and not Hinata herself). Usually, Naruto was so lonely. This frightening sensei seemed to give him more confidence.

“Time to begin!” announced Iruka. “Be nice!”

He opened the door to let the Jounins enter… and was promptly swept away by an irate-looking Shimura Naoko-sensei. The kids barely heard the first words of the headmistress (something about missing paperwork) that Iruka was disappearing in the corridor, Shimura Naoko-sensei almost dragging him by an ear. Several students, including Naruto, found this vision highly entertaining.  
They didn’t laugh for long. Rolling his eyes at Iruka’s misfortune, Hayate entered the class, scanning the row of student with tired eyes, before deciding:

“Hello. I’m Gekkō Hayate. And today, I’ll be the Jounin-sensei of… Uchiha Sasuke.”

“Chōji is with me”, immediately said the boy, his eyes defying Hayate to protest.

The Jounin merely nodded, seeking a kunoichi to complete the team. Several girls were raising their hand, all but bouncing in their seats. Rabid fangirls, the lot of them… How was he supposed to choose a sensible one? Finally, he remembered the name of the strategist Aoba had taught yesterday, and stated:

“And Kita Natsumi, you’re with me too. Come on, you three.”

He left, followed by Sasuke, Chōji, and Natsumi (a dark-haired girl with a long braid and a bright blue T-shirt). After him, it was Asuma. He spotted Shikamaru and grinned:

“Well, if it isn’t Shikaku’s kid! Come on, you’re with me. Class, I’m Sarutobi Asuma by the way. And we’ll also take… Haruno Sakura. It’s you, there? Good. Our third member will be… You, with the blue hair. Nori, isn’t it?”

“Nori Hisato, sensei. I was with that boring Nara Ensui yesterday.”

“And he only passed you with reserve, so don’t be so cocky. You’re basically on probation right now Anyway! Come one, we’re going to training ground number six, it’s at the other end of the village.”

“So troublesome…”

Asuma left, followed by the three Genins. None of them seemed very happy with their teacher: Shikamaru was dreading work, Sakura would have wanted to be on Sasuke’s team, and Hisato was aware that his ninja skills weren’t the best. Naruto cheerfully waved at them. Not everyone could have a sensei as cool as Anko!

Kurenai was the next Jounin to enter, and barely glanced at the class before announcing: “I’m Yuhi Kurenai. Today, I’m taking Hyuuga Hinata again, Yukimura Toshiro, and Mina.”

Kurenai had just left with her students when the door swung open in a room-rattling thud, revealing Anko in her morning glory, all maniacal smile and sparking eyes. All Genins stopped moving, except Kiba who breathed with dread “oh no, she’s back!,” Akamaru who whined, and Ino, Shino and Naruto who grinned from ear to ear.  
Well, they suppose Shino grinned too. It was hard to say, with his coat.

“MINIONS, ATTENTION!”

“YES, SENSEI!” chorused all three Genins, standing to attention.

Anko grinned. She loved these kids.

“At ease. Alright, Team Awesome, let’s go!”

“But…” hesitated one of the boys. “Iruka-sensei said that Genins weren’t going to have the same sensei today…”

Anko’s smile became predatory: “Oh? Anyone else want to be my minion, then?”

The poor boy gulped, and cowered in his seat. Nobody else dared to draw attention on them, petrified like rabbits faced with and over-excited predator. Anko sniggered.

“That’s what I thought. Anyway! Minions! Today we’re going to learn how to blow up someone head! Or other body parts if you’re not picky. Chop chop!”

And they followed Anko (who left by the open widow, what the hell was wrong with this woman, was she allergic to doors?!), leaving the other Genins completely bewildered. Aoba, who opened the door next, sighed.

“And she did it again… Anyway. For those who don’t know, I’m Yamashiro Aoba. Today, I’m taking Kinji and Ikeda Otani, and Inuzuka Kiba.”

 

**oOoOoOo**

 

“You’re really going to teach us how to blow off someone’s head?” excitedly asked Naruto.

“Yup! With that small wonder named an exploding tag. It can be used in traps, in sabotage, but also in battle. Shino-kun will maybe use them more sparely, to not hurt his bugs. But Naruto-kun, seeing as he’ll probably specialize in ambush and that stuff, really need to master these things. You’ll be specializing in that, won’t you, One-kun?” she added almost threateningly. “That talent better not go to waste.”

The kids quickly nodded, Naruto first. Their first test of their practical skills, where Naruto had demonstrated his talent with traps, had cast a new light on the Uzumaki’s previous pranks: for Ino and Shino as well as for Naruto himself. Pulling pranks wasn’t just some game. It was a ninja skill, and a useful one. Naruto’s talent in this area was nothing to scoff at.

“Anyway!” Anko continued cheerfully. “I’m gonna teach you how to use them, how to spot their faults, how to deactivate them… And, if you’re good, how to make them. Since Naruto-kun here is the most likely to blow off his own head…”

“Eh! Mean, sensei!”

“Shut up, One-kun. As I was saying, since he is the most likely to fuck up and die, I’m going to teach him first. Far, far away from you two, in case you… You know. Die.”

“What are supposed to do while waiting for you, sensei?” asked Shino, raising an eyebrow.

Ooooh, they could see his eyebrows above his sunglasses! It was going to make decipher his expression so much easier! Now, Shino just needed a more expressive voice. With that and the eyebrows thing, he could communicate almost effortlessly!

“Well”, finally said Anko. “I have a plan for that. I noticed yesterday that Naruto-kun was both the driving force and the mastermind of the team when it comes to traps. Well, he a prankster after all… but it can’t continue. So…One-kun, make ten clones.”

Naruto obeyed, and ten Kage Bunshin popped into existence, looking at Anko for directions. She nodded approvingly.

“Good. So, five of them are going with Shino-kun, five with Ino-chan. You clones are going to teach them how to make a least three different traps. Hidden pit, shuriken launcher, I don’t care. And, Two-kun, Three-chan, I want you to know how these trap work, why it’s better to use one and not the other, how to modify them to just incapacitate or to kill, how someone can escape them, all that stuff. That’s why you’ll need five clones each, for experimental purpose. You’ll need to know how to do that with your eyes closed, is that clear? You have… Let’s say four hours. We’ll see your progress at lunch break, before I go.”

“You’re leaving?” whined Ino.

“Yeah, sorry, minions. I’ll give you some training to do while I’m gone, though. But I have a date planned that I can miss!”

“A date?” shrieked the two blondes of her team.

Aw, they were getting overprotective. So cute! Anko petted their hair, amused.

“Yup, a training date with one of my favorite nutcases. He’s a demented, over-sized frog obsessed with taijutsu and who wouldn’t recognize what a sense of moderation was if it danced in front of him in a bikini seashell swimsuit. I’ll introduce you to him one of these days, it’ll be fun. Anyway, this afternoon I’m gonna fry him. But it’s going to take me several hours, and then I’ll maybe need to check in the hospital, so yeah, no Anko-sensei this afternoon. Don’t worry! I’ll swing by afterward, to check on you and stuff.”

“Can we get ramen for lunch?” pleaded Naruto.

“Nope. Unless you can pay for four. I paid yesterday, I’m not paying today.”

Naruto patted his frog-shaped wallet with hope, before putting it away with a dejected sound. Ino bit her lips, and looked at Shino. The Aburame boy shifted, then adjusted his sunglasses with a gesture that, in Aburame-speak, was clearly nervousness.

“There is a sushi restaurant near my house. I have a discount. Why? Because the owner is a family friend. Naruto, Ino, would you agree to share the bill?”

Immediately, Naruto beamed.

“Sure! You’re the best, Shino!”

More sunglasses-adjustment. Was that a blush, half-hidden by his high collar?

“Thanks are unnecessary. You are my teammates.”

“We’re also friend,” smiled Ino, patting his arm “Right?”

“Yes. Of course you’re right, Ino. I apologize.”

He was literally _fumbling_ with his sunglasses. It was adorable. Anko snorted, then decided to step in before poor Shino-kun spontaneously combusted.

“Come on, we don’t have all day. Two-kun, Three-chan, go to work. Don’t die. One-kun, follow me! We’re going to some deserted place to not accidentally kill someone. That would be a mess and there would be so much paperwork!”

“And paperwork is… bad?”

“Paperwork is evil, One-kun. You, you probably don’t care, you have a small army of clones to take care of that. Us, simple mortals, have to be bored to death and let those demoniac pieces of paper and thrice damned forms eat our soul. In the Torture and Interrogation Department, my boss… Yeah, I’m working half-time in T&I, and half-time in Intelligence. Both departments work pretty closely anyway. Well, the T&I boss, Ibiki, he’s the most terrifying motherfucker in any given room (but don’t tell him I said that! I work very hard to make him think I haven’t noticed he’s scary). And he threatens people with paperwork. His people daily tear off the nails of prisoners, but they get threatened by _paperwork_.”

“Whoa.”

“Yup. So, what’s the lesson here?”

“Um, that Ibiki person is scary, and killing by accident is bad because paperwork is evil?”

“Good boy.”

.

Naruto grasped the concept of explosive tags rather quickly. Anko was pretty proud of herself: it’s been years since she played with Fūinjutsu, but she still mastered that stuff enough to teach it. After all, she had been Orochimaru’s apprentice, so she had a decent understanding of seals. It wasn’t very hard, really. There were some rules to memorize to make a functional matrix, but Fūinjutsu required three things above all: big leaps in logic, some imagination, and a lot of adaptability. Naruto was missing none of these qualities.

Once he’s up to snuff Anko would throw him at the Toad Sage. She was no Seal Master, and her cute minion deserved a true teacher in this area.

But anyway! For the time being, Naruto was _hers_. So she was teaching him exploding tags. He had a knack for it, and they were done earlier than expected. Meh. That was fine. Ino and Shino were almost finished too, so Naruto and Anko went to motivate them by throwing stuff at them to test their reactivity and their multitasking (and also because it was funny). When finally, Ino and Shino completed their task and used Naruto’s clones as test subjects for their revenge, Anko clapped her hand once with an ominous grin:

“Well done, minions!”

“Are we going to learn exploding tags too?” asked Ino guardedly.

“Right now? Nope. Care to guess why?”

Shino frowned behind his glasses: “Because introducing exploding devices to tired students with no experience in this area is rather hazardous.”

“Haza-what?” blinked Naruto.

Ino pouted but didn’t protest. She was tired, Shino was right. Her purple clothes and white bandages were stained with mud, and she had a few twigs and leaves in her hair. Shino’s coat was cleaner, but maybe it just seemed that way because mud and earth dust were easier to brush from the plain material. His hair, however, was in a state similar to Ino’s. Learning traps needed some trial and error, after all!

“Two-kun means that it would be dumb”, explained Anko before grinning. “Exploding tags for you both will be right after lunch. Now, we still have some time, so let’s strategize!”

“About what?” asked Ino.

“Your role in your team, of course! Now, let’s stay you stay in that team…”

“Of course we’re going to stay together!” yelled Naruto. “Believe it!”

Ino emphatically nodded, and Shino readjusted his glasses, frowning: “Naruto is right. Separating us would be ill-advised. Why? Because we work well together, and have already established bonds between us.”

“Also it would piss us off,” added a scowling Naruto, crossing his arms.

“Yeah!” approved Ino. “They better not try us!”

“… Indeed.”

Aw. So cute. Anko took a moment to wonder if she could petition to keep this team. They were perfect, really. An Aburame with an amazing brain, a fierce Yamanaka, and a trap specialist with gigantic chakra reserves! Anyway, it was exactly what she wanted to talk about with them.

“So, most teams have a specialization. Like the Ino-Shika-Chō, a capture-and-interrogation team. Or the Hokage Guard Platoon, a protection team. See what I mean? The skills of the three team members balance and complete each others. Usually, you have one or two heavy fighter, and a long-range fighter to cover them. Each member of the team cultivates his (or her) own skill: one can specialize in code-breaking, one in infiltration, one in healing, one in tracking… and these skills, once combined, give you a team with abilities greater than the sum of everyone individual competences. You’re still following, minions?”

“Yeah!”

“So! In this team, we have Shino-kun as a long-range fighter. He’s also the tracker and sensor of the team, thanks to his kikaishū. Naruto-kun is a traps specialist, but with chakra reserves this big, he could very well be a ninjutsu specialist, and with Kage Bunshin, he can pop a small army… So Naruto-kun is both a trap specialist and a close-range melee fighter. But you, Three-chan” and her eyes zeroed on the blonde kunoichi, who straightened, “you’re average in pretty much everything, and your trump card is an interrogation Jutsu that leaves your body defenseless. That’s _not awesome_.”

“And we must be Awesome,” gravely nodded Ino.

“Good girl. So! A few words of advice: brush up your taijutsu and your stamina. Two-kun, the stamina bit is also applicable for you: Naruto’s almost never tired, but you both need to keep up with him.”

“Ah ah, I’m so cool!” boasted Naruto, grinning and crossing his arms behind his head in a relaxed pose.

Anko tripped him and he fell face-first on the mud: “Quiet, minion, this is Three-chan’s moment. New rule: never lose an opportunity to learn. That also means not to take away Three-chan’s opportunity, got it?”

“That’s rule number what, thirteen now?” scowled Naruto, getting up.

“Fifteen. Thirteen is about debriefing and dango-time. Fourteen is to never wear green with orange.”

That particular rule had come up during their sparring training yesterday afternoon. They still hadn’t understood why Anko-sensei had been so adamant about it, but since it was good fashion advice, Ino wasn’t about to argue. Shino didn’t wear orange and Naruto hated green, so the rest of her team had no objection either.

“Back to the point!” exclaimed Anko. “Three-chan, you should try to pick a weapon. It’ll always give you an advantage in a taijutsu battle.”

“My mom used kenjutsu before she retired…” mused Ino.

“That’s perfect” Anko grinned. “I love blades. Besides, it’ll make you deadly in close-range fighting. Oh! I can even introduce you to Gai’s student! She’s good with weapons!”

“And in long-range fighting?” frowned Ino. “I can use senbon better than shuriken but they’re not as efficient.”

“Yup. But that’s okay! Anko-sensei has the perfect plan for that! And your preference for senbon will make it even easier for you to use it in battle…”

“Explosive senbons?” Naruto tried to guess, face wrinkling in thought.

“Almost,” chuckled their sensei. “See, Three-chan, I thought about this yesterday when we sparred. Since Naruto-kun is clumsy and Shino-kun has a hive, they cannot learn my specialty. But you! You have good chakra control, I noticed how accurate your Kawimari are. You have a good health, as all Yamanaka do. You’re clever, you’re precise, and since your parents have a flower shop, you already know the basics of being an herbalist. So…”

“You’re gonna teach me how to make poisons?” Ino squeaked happily.

“Yup. And how to build and immunity to them, too. You’re also the best suited to be the team medic, but I’m shit at healing-ninjutsu, so you’ll have to look that up yourself. Consider that homework!”

Ino enthusiastically nodded. Poison! One of the greatest weapons of the ninja world! It was because of their puppets’ poisons that Suna’s shinobi stayed in the game against Iwa’s explosives, Kumo’s swordmen, and Konoha’s teamwork. The list of Konoha’s shinobi knowing and using poisons one the battlefield was ridiculously short. It was like a V.I.P. club!  
Awesome.

“Great. So! Let’s go to lunch. We’ll talk about how to use best your Kage Bunshin in the team, One-kun; I bet you don’t even know the Jutsu’s details. I’ll give you a crash-course on exploding tags, Two-kun, Three-chan. Naruto-kun will fill the blanks when I’ll be on my training-date.

“Will you be gone long?” quietly asked Shino.

“Good question. Three, four hours max? We’ll resume training when I’ll be back this evening anyway. We’ll test you tracking abilities, Two-kun, so think also about that. Three-chan, tomorrow I’ll quiz you about plants and stuff, and One-kun, we’ll go shopping for Fūinjutsu supplies… And maybe a brown cape or coat, because it’s dead useful for camouflage.”

“Shopping!” excitedly repeated Ino. “Oh, can I come? Can I?”

“… Sure. But before that, this afternoon, you’ll learn water-walking!”

“YEAH!”

Good kids.

 

**oOoOoOo**

_Meanwhile, at the Academy…_

“Thank you for coming here during your lunch-break,” Iruka beamed at the Jounin gathered. “I’m so glad that Shimura Naoko-sensei’s uncle managed to recover the list of designated Jounin-sensei. We still don’t know your teams, but at least we know who was supposed to be their teachers.”

Seated next to him, Suzume-sensei said nothing. She was too busy glaring at Kakashi-san (who ignored her, immersed in his orange book). Iruka was kinda perplexed by his colleague new-found hatred for the guy. Okay, he had been late, but did it really warrant such a glower? Because if looks could kill, Hatake Kakashi would be on the floor bleeding to death. And on fire.

“Anyway”, continued Iruka with some nervousness. “I asked you to meet me here, it’s because… I think we’ll never recover the original team assignments. Some Jounins knew who they were supposed to get, but part of their team has already been failed. And with two day of tests… We now have information about the Genins and their possible team dynamics that we cannot ignore.”

“So?” asked an impatient-looking Jounin.

“So… I suggest that we forget the initial team assignment… And that we compose team based on the observations made by the temporary Jounin-sensei?” Iruka suggested almost shyly. “Asuma-san offered some interesting ideas…”

Asuma nodded: “Yes. For example, Shikamaru was probably going to be on the same team as either Yamanaka Ino, Akimichi Chōji, or both. Probably to try and make a new Ino-Shika-Chō team. However, he is great with Haruno Sakura. Both are incredibly clever. Granted, they have little to no interest in physical training. But instead of lazing around, Shikamaru is so _offended_ by Sakura being smarter than him that he actually talks and makes plans. Sakura doesn’t back down and rise to the challenge, and without a cute boy to distract her, she is really focused. Their shogi matches are amazing. They’re arguing about battle strategies and information-gathering tactics and psychological welfare. They’re rivals, sort of, but they also work great together! They’re actually creating a whole new sign language to talk shit about their parents. A whole new language, with no similitude whatsoever with the one they know, in a day.”

That was… Okay, that was impressive. But Asuma wasn’t finished: “Sakura also has great chakra control, and is proficient with genjutsu. With Shikamaru’s Shadows’ techniques, they’ll be a great capture team. They’re only missing a close-range melee fighter, possibly a tracker, to balance them, and they’ll be brilliant.”

“But changing all the teams because of one duo…” argued Aoba.

“Oh, they’re not the only one,” Asuma assured him before nudging Hayate, who was sitting next to him. The sick-looking Jounin coughed twice, then nodded.

“Asuma is right. Uchiha Sasuke is a lone wolf. He has been since the Massacre. That attitude would make him the weak link of any team, but… He is currently getting better. The only person he works with is Akimichi Chōji. Their styles are complementing each other well. Besides… I believe that Chōji’s attitude could make the Uchiha’s a little less… abrasive.”

Genma raised a skeptical eyebrow: “You sure? Because that kid got problems.”

“I know what I’m talking about”, nodded Hayate. “Chōji seems to appeal to Sasuke’s protective streak, and the Uchiha actually cares about his well-being. He’s still slightly sociopathic, but he’s getting out of his shell. And for Chōji, well. Working with a genius is a good motivator. Chōji admitted to usually hang with Shikamaru, and to have picked a few of his lazy habit… But with Sasuke, Chōji can’t afford to be lazy, and he train really hard.”

“So you think they’ll be good together?” verified Kurenai.

“Yes”, nodded Hayate. “That’ll be best.”

“Excellent. In that case, I would like them to form a complete team with Hyuuga Hinata.”

Several Jounin startled, and even Kakashi looked from above his book. Noticing the stares, Kurenai crossed her arms, frowning:

“Hinata is a good taijutsu fighter, but her confidence is lacking. She’ll need strong teammates to give her a goal to reach. Besides, she’s the only girl not swooning over the Uchiha, so no romance will disrupt their work.”

“It’ll be a taijutsu team”, Aoba said mildly. “And you’re a genjutsu specialist, Kurenai…”

“Oh, I know”, nodded the kunoichi. “I won’t be teaching them. They’re going to be Asuma’s or Raidō’s. Both are the best we have in taijutsu besides Gai, and nobody in their right mind would subject kids to Gai.”

Several persons vigorously nodded, including Genma (Genma was nice, Iruka liked him. He seemed to know everyone and was very god at stopping all the insane shinobi from accidentally burning Konoha to the ground. Maybe his taming of all the resident nutcases was some kind of forbidden technique…)

“But he had a Genin team last year, didn’t he?” a kunoichi asked uncertainly.

“Because somebody had an attack of stupid”, grumbled Genma. “I spent the first weeks translating Gai-speak to something intelligible, stopping Gai from killing the kids, and the kids from killing Gai. All while Anko was throwing dango sticks at us and Kakashi tried to trick the Hyuuga boy into accidentally reading porn. _Never again_.”

What?

“Anyway!” loudly said Kurenai. “Is there anyone against this idea?”

“Maaa, I could teach little Sasuke” drawled Kakashi. “He needs to know Sharingan stuff, after all.”

“We can arrange lessons once he awakens his Sharingan,” Asuma pondered, fingers drumming on the table. “Besides, he’s literally a time-bomb of anger and unresolved issues. Do you really want to be his Jounin-sensei, knowing you’ll have sit down with him every day to talk about feelings and build a close relationship with him?”

Kakashi pretended really hard to read his book. Asuma snorted, then turned to Iruka:

“So, I’m taking Sasuke, Chōji, and Hinata as Team 10. Is everybody fine with it?”

Everybody was. Iruka quickly marked that down, relieved. Seeing as Sasuke was Rookie of the year, he should have been placed in a team with the worse student. So… Either Kiba or Naruto. And that team would have been a walking disaster!  
Honestly, this new method of selection was so much better. The Jounin actually knew their students, for one thing, either because they had personally taught them or because the other Jounins had talked about them. Besides, basing teams on skills and personality and existing dynamics was so much better than using only their academic scores! Yes, really, this method was way better. Iruka needed to ask the Hokage to make this the new official assignment process.

“Anyone else has a team idea?” asked Iruka.

Genma frowned, then shrugged: “If Shikamaru and Sakura need a close-range fighter to balance their team, I suggest Inuzuka Kiba. He’s also a tracker. Besides, some calming influence would do wonder for him.”

“Kurenai should be their sensei”, smiled Asuma. “If Sakura is going to specialize in genjutsu, it’s a match made in heaven.”

Besides, Kurenai often worked with trackers and knew how to deal with clans with special techniques, like the Inuzuka clan. Iruka scribbled down the names of the Genin and teacher as the new Team 8.

“Who else?”

Raidō tilted his head, thoughtful: “How many Genins do we still have?”

“Without these two new team? Eight. Three girls: Mina, Kita Natsumi, and Yamanaka Ino. And five boys: Kinji, Ikeda Otani, Yukimura Toshiro, Aburame Shino, and Uzumaki Naruto.”

“That’s… a lot more than usual” noted Aoba.

“Individual tests do that”, finally said Suzume-sensei, stopping her glower. “Instead of students failing by group of three, they fail or pass only on their own merit.”

“We still can’t do full teams,” deplored Iruka. “Some of them are going to be relegated to the Genins Corps. Or they’re going to seek an apprenticeship, and it’s virtually impossible for fresh new Genins…”

Without raising his eyes from his novel, Kakashi lazily held up a hand: “I call dibs on Uzumaki Naruto.”

Silence.

Kakashi lifted his gaze, and slowly blinked. He seemed honestly surprised by the bewildered looks sent his way. Even Suzume-sensei had momentary forgotten to try to incinerate him by the power of her glare, and was just staring, agape.

“What?”

“You want him?!” said a kunoichi with a grimace of distaste. “What for?”

Iruka hissed like an angry cat (Suzume kicked him under the table), but Kakashi fake-smiled behind his mask:

“He’s interesting, don’t you think?”

The kunoichi snorted. Fortunately, Genma took the matter in his hands and diverted everybody attention from this blond and tricky subject:

“For the others teams, I suggest that the two civilans’ kids… Kinji and Ikeda Otani wasn’t it? Well, I suggest them to be put with Mina. The boys are a good duo. They have common ground with Mina too, as she’s an orphan like Kinji, and comes from the same background. She has good taijutsu, which is their worse skill, and together they would be a good team.”

“Isn’t Kita Natsumi more capable?” frowned Iruka.

Hayate raised his hand, suppressing his cough: “She is. But she has talent with a blade, so… I would like to make her my apprentice. I already talked to her about it.”

“Yeah, you finished tutoring Yuugao last month, isn’t it?” remembered Aoba. “And you’re stuck in-village for six months at least ‘cause of your cough… So you can focus on a student. Yeah, it makes sense. Congratulations, dude!”

“Maaa, you really have a thing for cute and young girls…”

“Kakashi! Ignore him, he’s an ass. Congratulations, Hayate!”

There were a few congratulations, some applause, a grinning Aoba slapping his friend’s back, and Kakashi just looking bored. Iruka could begin to understand Suzume’s dislike. Okay, besides the fact that this weird guy had claimed Naruto for some mysterious reasons. Even doing nothing, he was annoying! And fishy. And weird!

“So,” finally continued Iruka once the noise died. “For the others teams…”

The door swung open, banging on the opposite wall, and Anko crashed on the last free seat in the middle of them, grinning from ear to ear. Iruka didn’t really understand why all the Jounin backed away in their seats (except Genma, because Genma was cool and friendly; and Kakashi, who tried to trip her with his leg, because he was a douche). The newcomer wasn’t that scary, was she?

“Sorry I’m late!” she announced cheerfully. “I was finishing lunch with my minions when Muta told me that I was missing some meeting about stuff, so I had to ran in the middle of my lecture on exploding tags. I hope they don’t blow themselves up. Anyway! What did I miss?”

“We were… We were speaking about the team assignments”, Iruka said, glancing uncertainly to the other Jounins. “We’re giving up the original team, so each Jounin is choosing his students…”

“Oh, that! Yeah, good thing Muta told me to come,” nodded Anko before swiping Iruka’s pen and his list of teams.

The poor teacher blinked, staring at his empty hands (holy shit, she was fast), while Anko was enthusiastically scrawling down something on his paper, babbling all the way:

“That’s cool, my old team number is still free! Team 4, that’s a good number for Team Awesome. And you have a Team 8 and Team 10! Congratulations to the new senseis! Dude, I can’t wait to announce that to Ibiki. He’s going to blow a basket. Oh wait, I also have to introduce him to the kids. Or maybe I’ll introduce them to Gai first.”

“Please don’t” Genma said weakly.

“The trauma is going to be too much”, snorted Aoba.

“Nah, they’re tough. Anyway!” Anko exclaimed, throwing her pen and letting the paper fall into Iruka’s hands. “Done! Team Awesome is official! Now I’ve got to go. If Gai dies he brought it on himself; if I die, Genma, you better avenge me, and Kurenai, I’m not giving you my kimonos.”

Kurenai pouted, Genma rolled his eyes, and Anko cheerfully waved before Sunshining away in a swirl of leaves.

There was a stunned silence. Slowly, Iruka let his glaze fall on the list of teams. The list of available team number (two, three, four, five, seven, eight, ten, and twelve) was now missing the 4, crossed like Iruka also crossed the 8 and 10. In the corresponding column, in a messy script, Anko had noted herself as Jounin-sensei, and had listed Uzumaki Naruto, Yamanaka Ino and Aburame Shino as her students.  
Well.

Iruka cleared his throat, then sheepishly scratched his nape: “So… I guess we have a Team 4. Mitarashi-san wasn’t on the Jounins-sensei roster, but seeing as she’s taking unplaced students …”

Asuma snatched the list from Iruka’s hands (okay, would people please stop doing that?!), read it, and laughed as he passed it to Kurenai:

“Oh, it’s just great. Inoichi’s kid as a student of an infiltration specialist? He’s going to fret.”

“Too bad for you Kakashi,” Kurenai said smugly, passing the paper to Genma. “A team placement takes precedence on an apprenticeship!”

Kakashi frowned, seeming slightly annoyed for the first time since he entered the room. Seeing as, until then, he had just ignored people or made aggravating comments, Iruka feel some vindictive satisfaction. It served him right!

“Anyway”, the young teacher picked up the debate where they left it, trying to not sound too smug (Anko was weird, but Naruto had _voluntary_ been her student _twice_ , so she probably wasn’t as bad as this masked weirdo). “For the team with Miwa, Kinji and Otani… Who want them?”

The Jounins exchanged glances (three civilians’ kids, that wasn’t very attractive for a Jounin), but finally Raidō nodded, looking serious.

“I’ll take them, as Team 2. I was a civilian’s kid myself, so I’m better suited for them.”

“Good. Then it only leaves… Yukimura Toshiro.”

“The kid with good chakra control?” asked one of the older Jounin. “He could be a good medic, you know. My sister is a Chuunin and a medic, I can talk to her about it if you want.”

A future medic? Sure, why not, it was a good career. There was never enough medics after all. Iruka smiled, bowing his head: “Thank you, Jounin-san. Could you give me an answer before this evening? I need to fill the paperwork for tomorrow morning…”

“Sure, no problem.”

“Perfect!” Iruka smiled, setting down the list on the table. “I’ll give the new team asignements to Hokage-sama right away. Thank you all for your time.”

Everybody took their leave, congratulating the new teachers on the honor of having students, and the others on having escaped that chore. Aoba was teasing Genma about having to play support for another team of innocent children with some loony teacher (Iruka tried very hard to not be worried), Hayate and another Jounin were exchanging sword-fighting tips, and Hatake Kakashi was frowning. Iruka was pretty satisfied.

It had gone way better than expected…

**oOoOoOo**

Water-walking was hard.

Actually, screw that. Walter-walking was fucking impossible, the water was freezing, the bottom of the small pond they used was muddy and smelly and disgusting, and with the memories of his clones who popped when they fell into the cold pond, Naruto was feeling as ten times more wet than his teammates. Yeah, the memory stuff was useful for learning (thank Anko-sensei for pointing that out at lunch), but damn, Naruto could have done without the recollection of all his drops into water!

Ino has succeeded in barely two hour, and was now reading a book on poisonous flowers. Shino had barely needed half-an-hour more than her, and was sitting on shore, meditating. Or maybe listening to his hive, which was scouting the area… Unlike Naruto, who was still on this blasted pond, barely walking three unsteady steps before falling in the water, Shino and Ino had had time to finish learning how to use exploding tags (since Anko-sensei had to run in the middle of her lesson), quiz each other on the rules of Awesome, and they were now beginning their homework (reading on poison for Ino, and working his tracking abilities for Shino). They had offered advice to Naruto, and Ino suggested that he tried to use as little chakra as possible… But they couldn’t do anything to help with Naruto’s terrible chakra control. It was something that the young Uzumaki had to work for himself.

“You should take a break,” offered Ino, raising her eyes from her book.

“No! I’m going to get this, I swear!”

“You’re going to exhaust yourself,” the young kunoichi frowned. “Standing on the water use chakra, and you keep using too much of it… You’ve been at it for nearly four hours!”

“Anko-sensei said I have big reserves or whatever. I can do it!”

Ino watched her teammate like a hawk, but finally shrugged, still faintly frowning. “Okay, but when you feel tired, you better stop. If you faint from exhaustion in the pond, you’ll drown. Or at least you’ll swallow the water, and I bet it’s full of disgusting stuff that can make you sick.”

“And you should send a clone to fetch some dry clothes from your apartment”, flatly added Shino. “Then you’ll be done, you’ll be able to go home without catching your death.”

“… That’s a good idea actually”, realized Naruto before making a clone and beaming at his friends. “Thanks, Shino, Ino! You’re really smart!”

“… That’s nothing, stupid” mumbled Ino, hiding a pleased blush behind her book.

Shino just nodded, before resuming his meditation. Silence came back, only broken by Naruto’s splashes. They were still busing themselves with their respective activities when Anko-sensei appeared in a swirl of leaves.

“Hello again, minions!”

There was a short stunned silence, then Naruto’s focus snapped and he dropped into the pond, and Ino blurted: “Anko-sensei, what happened to you?!”

The Jounin looked as if she has fallen down the side of a small mountain. She was covered is dirt, bruise, dust, scratches, twigs and grass, her ponytail was more disheveled than ever, and she even had a black eye.

“I sparred with Gai. Things happen.”

“You look…” Shino hesitated.

“… Like I wrestled with a bear?” snorted Anko. “Yeah, the only person who can spar with Gai and not look like crap afterward is probably Kakashi. Gai is a taijutsu monster. Even with ninjutsu, it’s hard to keep up with him. But don’t worry, I won!”

“You don’t look like you won,” Naruto said doubtfully, standing into the pond where the water barely reached his shoulders.

“Are you doubting your sensei, minion?! I freaking won. I poisoned him with senbon! That shit is dead useful. Anyway! Time for us to continue training! If you keep up the good work, we’ll start missions Tuesday.”

“Missions!” beamed Naruto. “Are we going to fight bad guys? Are we going to rescue a princess? Are we going to do _both_?!”

“It seems unlikely”, stated Shino. “Why? Because we are only novice Genins.”

“Yup”, said Anko, patting Shino’s head (who seemed stunned: not a lot of people were willing to engage physical contact with his kind, because the Aburame’s bugs tended to freak out even fellow ninjas). “Genins can only do D-ranked missions or C-ranked. And they need to do at least twenty D-ranks before moving on C-ranks.”

“C-rank?” repeated Naruto.

“Come on, what do they teach you at the Academy? D-rank are the easiest of missions, they’re basically glorified chores. We do them to stay on civilians’ good side, since Konoha needs trade and stuff to thrive. C-ranks are real missions, like deliver mail to outpost, or escort merchants, but the chance of fighting other ninjas is pretty slim. Then there’re the B-ranked missions, where you can fight Genin-level to Chuunin-level enemies. High-risk missions are A-ranked, and you won’t be doing them anytime soon.”

“So no princesses?” whined Naruto. “That’s lame!”

“Your face is lame. Come on, get out of the water, you’re gonna get sick. And ew, you stink like a dead buffalo who rotted in a swamp for two weeks! Go home and take a shower.”

“I can still train,” Naruto insisted stubbornly.

Anko shrugged: “Suit yourself. Are you still good to make clones? Then make thirty of them and tell them to hide in the woods the best they can. They have… Ten minutes. Make one clone that’ll stay with me to watch.”

Naruto immediately obeyed, and his clones ran to take cover between the trees, grinning madly. Naruto was unbeatable at hide-and-seek. He fooled ANBU, so Shino would be a piece of cake. His last clone, the one Anko wanted to stay with Shino and Ino, joined his team excitedly. Watch the game of hide and seek could be fun, too.  
Meanwhile, Anko turned to her two other students, who were drinking her words:

“Two-kun, you mission is to find all thirty Naruto-kun. I’ll follow you, time you, and sometime try to distract and attack you to make you lose a trail. Three-chan, stay with Shino-kun and try to find the clones as well. You nearly noticed me several times when I tested you practical skills yesterday, so I think you may be a sensor type. Try to detect Naruto-kun’s chakra and we’ll see.”

Both Genins (and Naruto’s clone) nodded very seriously, already scrutinizing the forest. They didn’t even turned their head towards the pond at Naruto’s loud splashes.  
And when Anko-sensei gave them the signal, the three of them rushed toward the trees like a single man.  
Like a team.

.

Kakashi was sulking.

It was rare enough to be noted. Usually, Kakashi did not sulk, because he succeeded at everything. He was four moves ahead of everybody, which allowed him to endlessly mess with people’s heads. He liked to plan in advance, but he was also well-informed and reactive, and used his intuition to make rather good judgment calls. For example, he knew that Sandaime-sama was going to throw the young Uchiha and Naruto at him, he just knew it. Pass for Naruto: after all, he owned it to his sensei. It would be hard (so, _so hard_ , seeing Minato’s eyes and Kushina’s smile and hearing the kid asking who he was, not knowing his own father’s student), but Kakashi could do it. But Uchiha Sasuke… Nope. Seeing Obito’s little cousin, who had the same eyes and mouth, and issues similar to Kakashi’s after his father’s death? Hello, triggers!

So, when there was a clerical error at the Academy, Kakashi gleefully avoided the place and his responsibilities, waiting for any glory-seeking Jounin to take the little Uchiha under his wing. Naruto could wait a few days. It wasn’t like somebody would take him: Kakashi very well knew Konoha’s opinion on its resident prankster.

Well, for once, his lateness came and bit him in the ass.

Because yeah, Sasuke had found a teacher (not a glory-seeking one, but a concerned one: all for the better, Kakashi supposed). But apparently Naruto had too! And not just any teacher. Mitarashi Anko!

Okay, Kakashi didn’t have anything against Anko. She was friend with Gai, and Gai was unofficially renowned for only befriending good people… even if slightly crazy ones. For example, he never could stand Orochimaru, even before he began his experiments. But he had been one of the very few who reached out to Anko, before _and_ after Orochimaru’s betrayal.  
So, Anko was alright. Probably.

Anyway. She was also friend with Genma and, by association, with Aoba and Raidō. She hung out with Morino Ibiki, the head of T&I, and they worked together. She had a tendency to laugh manically and to terrify people who tried to hit on her and Kurenai when they were heading out to do some tea ceremonies. She was Kurenai’s best friend: Kurenai talked about her to Asuma, who sometimes mentioned it to Kakashi. Hum, what else… She sometimes sparred with Gai, and they’d been friends since their Genin days. She was proficient with poisons and Katon Jutsu and vicious, very vicious traps (so when she sparred with Gai, she was part of the few privileged people who got to send him to the hospital). Both her Genin teammates were dead. She had a bad relationship with the Hyuuga… Hadn’t one of her Genin teammate been a Hyuuga? Whatever. Otherwise, Kakashi didn’t know much about her.  
Besides the fact that she was now Naruto’s sensei.

That was so unfair! For once, for _once_ Kakashi had been ready to try and connect with Minato’s legacy. But nooo, that crazy woman in a trench coat had to barge in and snatch the kid right under his nose!

And he just sat here and did nothing.

Okay he didn’t expected that, so she caught him by surprise, and he was distracted by his _Icha Icha_ and by the Glare Of Imminent Doom of the female Academy teacher (he had a nagging suspicion that it wasn’t the first time he’s seen her…), but still! She caught him. _She played him_. She stole sensei’s son right in front of him and now the kid was stuck with that demented pyromaniac and a creepy Aburame and a girl with a ponytail because all Yamanaka had ponytail, oh God and what if the girl got infected by Anko’s madness and tried to strangle Naruto with her long hair?!

… Breathe Kakashi, breathe.

That’s why you suck at social interactions, Kakashi. You’re too paranoid. And weird. And you have an (for now) unjustified protective streak when Minato’s son is concerned.

Also, you talk to yourself. Not the most obvious sign of sanity.

Anyway. Still sulking, Kakashi left the roof of the house from where he had observed (not stalked! observed!) Anko’s training. Some kind of hide-and-seek, apparently. Her students seemed to like it. They were working well together. Neither Naruto or the Yamanaka showed a hint of discomfort at the Aburame’s proximity (probably because Anko didn’t). Neither the Aburame or the Yamanaka scoffed at Naruto’s mistakes (because Anko didn’t). Both boys respected the Yamanaka’s advices and didn’t even wince when she yelled at the world in general (because Anko’s usual volume was deafening, too. Besides, most of the time, Naruto enthusiastically joined his teammate. Apparently blondes were genetically _loud_ ). All three of them seemed to revere Anko and her insanity, and when she was cackling maniacally, they just looked at her starry-eyed.

Why were all ninjas weirdos?

Kakashi sighed, jumping from roof to roof to go back home. It was late enough as it was, and he had seen everything he wanted to see. He needed to report to the Hokage, who was going to lecture him about his duties as the last Sharingan user and as Minato’s student, yadda yadda. Then… Maybe Kakashi would try and spend some time with Naruto. It had been too long since he messed with some Genins’ heads, anyway.

Besides, since Gai was in the hospital, Kakashi’s usual activities (spar with Gai, challenge Gai, avoid Gai, get caught by Gai, run from Gai) were cancelled. How to better spend this new free time than bothering another Konoha’s nutcase?

Smiling behind his mask and feeling a little more lighthearted, Kakashi jumped on another roof and headed toward a nice bar where, at this hour, Izumo and Kotetsu were usually trying to drink Raidō under the table (and failing), until Genma came to fetch them like and exasperated mother-hen. He could afford to be late at his meeting with the Hokage. Besides, he had a reputation to maintain. And if it meant to have to spend a few hours with some alcoholic beverage, watching people getting smashed… Meh. Why not?

.

“Well, I guess we’re done for the day, minions,” decided Anko.

All three of her kids collapsed, and Naruto’s clone promptly popped. The real Naruto, spread out on the pond’s edge, managed a triumphal smirk. Shino and Ino had needed Anko’s help to find some of the clones. And even then, eight had escaped! Nobody could beat Uzumaki Naruto at hide and seek!  
Because, let’s be real: if you can be stealthy in orange, you can be stealthy in anything, anywhere, and any situation.

“Two-kun, meet us here at eleven. You get to sleep a little longer than these two. You may want to use that time to find Aburame Muta and ask him about hives and poison. He managed to make his bugs resistant to some of my cocktails, which could be useful to you if Ino-chan specialize in poisons too.”

Shino mutedly nodded, exhausted. Satisfied, Anko turned towards the blondes of her team:

“One-kun, Three-chan! Meet met at half past seven at the dango shop! We’re going to buy some Fūinjutsu supplies, because I fully expect Naruto-kun to use tons of exploding tags. I’ll also quiz you on plants and their toxicity, Three-chan, so be ready. I’m letting you tag along because you and Naruto-kun both need some kind of camouflage coat or cape. Besides, I like shopping, too.”

Ino clapped her hands, delighted. Naruto just flopped on the ground with a groan. Walking on water was so exhausting. And he hadn’t even succeeded! He was muddy and exhausted and smelly and wet (well, not very wet anymore, because thanks to Shino’s advice he had one of his clone brought a spare change of clothes, but still), and he hadn’t even managed to walk on water. Why was it so hard?

“Sensei, that pond hates me.”

“Yeah, I heard that it was cursed and haunted by a ninja-hating ghost”, Anko replied matter-of-factly.

Naruto had never backed down from a body of water so fast in his life.

“WHAT?!”

“Just kidding, my cute and naive minion. I take it that you failed? Damn. Your chakra control is horrible. You’ll have clones do chakra control exercise every morning. And you better begin by learning how to walk on walls… We’ll do that tomorrow.”

“Thanks God” muttered the exhausted Naruto.

“I go by Anko, too. Well, goodnight minions! Don’t be late tomorrow! Don’t forget to shower, One-kun!”

And she disappeared in a swirl of leaves. Naruto didn’t even bat an eye. He was virtually dead on his feet… Well, on his belly, since he was still face-down near the pond. And getting up was going to be… so hard…  
You know, that ground wasn’t that bad. Wet and cold, but so, so soft and ready to welcome a little nap. Now way he was getting up ever again, he was too tired. So, soooo tired.

“I’m gonna sleep here okay”? mumbled Naruto, burying his head into his arms without bothering to open one eyelid.

“Here?” asked Ino with disbelief. “You’re going to catch your death!”

“Can’t go home… Too tired… I would die…”

Ino and Shino looked at their collapsed teammate, shared a look, then Ino offered with a haughty pout: “Come on, you overachiever. We’ll bring you home.”

“You’re the best, Ino” mumbled the poor Naruto while his friend helped him on his feet. “Not even Iruka-sensei brings me home when I fall asleep in weird places.”

Ino rolled her eyes, but somewhere in the deep of her brain, she found it sad. Nobody to bring him home when he was tired, nobody to wait him at home either… Naruto’s life seemed lonely. She always thought that a prankster like him had to be happy, being so carefree and laughing so much, but… Appearances could be deceptive. Maybe she had really misjudged him in the Academy. He was already proving to be a good and inventive teammate, and a loyal friend, and a future Awesome ninja (because they were team Awesome, yeah). He was way more that the annoying Dead Last of their class.

But Ino was just a twelve year-old girl with no words to express her doubts and her concerns, so she just adjusted Naruto’s arm on her shoulder and patted his head like Anko-sensei did.

“Pfff, whatever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... And for those who're wondering, here are the full Rules Of Awesome ^^
> 
> RULES OF AWESOME  
> 1 - Be loyal to your village.  
> 2 - Keep fighting.  
> 3 - Don't doubt the sensei.  
> 4 - Be grateful for life’s small favors.  
> 5 - Never use a poison without an antidote.  
> 6 - Leave no man behind.  
> 7 - Being normal is overrated. Be weird! Be crazy!  
> 8 - Pissing of Inuzuka Tsume is never worth it, never.  
> 9 - Girls must stick together.  
> 10 - Freaks must stick together too.  
> 11 - Always pretend that whatever happen was your plan all along.  
> 12 - You need at least four dreams.  
> 13 - Debrieffing is also dango time !  
> 14 - Never wear green with orange. NEVER.  
> 15 - Never lose an opportunity to learn.
> 
> (... And with Rule 10, you'll notice the reference to my other fanfic on Anko and Naruto ^^)
> 
> Hope you liked it !


	3. Teamwork in action

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my Beta ^^ That chapter was hard!
> 
> Anyway. References everywhere x) The bit where Genma raised Kotetsu and Izumo after the Kyuubi's attack? It's from 'The Life and Times of a Shinobi Den Mother'. Gai and Anko being friends? It's a headcanon from from 'An Invincible Summer' (where Gai introduce Anko to Naruto/Natsu). Kakashi being an asshole to passers-by? It's from 'Chiaroscuro' (a fic where Shikamaru sis as smart as his dad, but as motivated as his mom. The world is tilted sideway.)
> 
> Hope you'll like it !

“Quiz me,” Ino ordered to Naruto, trusting a heavy book on botany toward him. The blonde boy looked absolutely horrified at the weight of the volume.

“We’re almost at the dango shop,” he evaded. “And I don’t know this stuff!”

“I know, idiot, that’s why I’m giving you the book. Ask me a question and check the answer. I need to be at the top of my game to impress Anko-sensei.”

“But…”

“Do it or I’ll poison your ramen” threatened Ino.

Naruto gasped dramatically (nooooo! Not the ramen!), then fumbled to open the book with a new-found enthusiasm for toxic flowers.  
Friendship. What a beautiful motivator.

“I’ll ask you the best questions, believe it! So, first one… Uh… What’s the name of that flower that looks like a drunken origami?”

“What?” started Ino, snatching her book from Naruto’s hands and glowering at her idiotic teammate. “That’s not a good question, you dumb blonde! You should ask me stuff like ‘what kind of plant can be used as a sedative?’ or ‘how can be forget-me-not used for?’ I can’t believe you!”

“Hey! Who you’re calling a dumb blonde?! You’re blonder than me!”

“… Yeah, but I’m cuter, and I know flower-stuff. By the way, the drunken origami is a mountain lily. I bet _you_ didn’t know that.”

Naruto opened his mouth, closed it when he realized that was actually a good point, and crossed his arms, huffing. Ino smirked triumphantly. Then she laughed, elbowing him good-naturally. Naruto was dumb sometimes, she knew it (who could not know it?), but he was also his teammate and… maybe… probably… his friend. She wasn’t serious in her jabs.

“I’m kidding! But seriously, that was a horrible question. Try to ask something about the different uses of a plant, not about its pretty name.”

She passed him the book again. This time, Naruto browsed it much more thoughtfully, frowning in concentration. He was taking her advice to heart, realized Ino. Weird. She thought that he had bad grades because he didn’t listen to his teachers’ advice.  
On second thought, usually their teachers didn’t advise Naruto. They pointed his faults and scolded him for making trouble, but they didn’t give him tips to get better. It wasn’t outlandish, Kiba had the same treatment after all, and that annoying Mariko too. All the problematic children were ignored by most of their Chuunin-senseis. But Kiba had his clan, and even Mariko had her parents to help her after school. Naruto was an orphan: if the teachers didn’t give him pointers, nobody did, period.

Wow. How come that she didn’t notice this stuff before? How come that nobody noticed it at all? Without parents or teammates, was Naruto really that alone? That was… So sad!

Well, that was over. Ino was going to tell her dad how sad it was, and invite her teammate for dinner. And after, Shino would invite them. And if Ino’s parents didn’t want her to basically adopt her orphaned teammate, then the Aburame would. They were used to weirdos after all!

“So!” finally exclaimed Naruto, his nose buried in the book. “What is the more posten plant between the henbane and the yellow jasmine?”

“Potent, Naruto, the word is potent. And it’s the henbane! The yellow jasmine just cause skin irritation, but the henbane contain cyanide. It stops your body from absorbing the oxygen that your blood carries. Your skin become super-pink and you asphyxiate while still breathing.”

“… So creepy…”

Ino shrugged: “Well, we’re ninja. Death and creepiness are part of the job description. Ask me another one!”

“Okay! So… What’s wolfbane?”

“Wait, I know that one… It’s also called aconite. Or devil’s helmet. Or Queen of Poison! And of course, it’s highly toxic. You puke and poop and you’re terribly sick when you eat it. And then, you die. But it can also be used is traditional medicine…”

Ino continued rambling about aconite until they reached the dango shop, while Naruto half-listened to her while flipping though her book, essentially looking at the pretty picture of colorful flowers. He didn’t even check Ino’s answer, but that was fine. She wasn’t really expecting him to stay focused on this unknown subject and to look for any error in the technical language she used. She had asked him to quiz her more for reassurance than for criticism anyway.

Anko was already waiting for them at the shop, but she wasn’t alone. A weird guy immersed in an orange book was sitting on the same bench that her. Anko seemed highly amused, so her students didn’t pay him any mind.  
Boy, what a mistake.

“Minions!” exclaimed their crazy sensei. “Just on time! Three-chan, are you ready to get quizzed until you dream of stamen and weird petals? One-kun, ready to get lectured about brush and paper and how to make things go boom with it?”

“Yes, sensei!”

“Great! So let’s go shopping! Don’t mind that guy, he’ll tag along. I don’t know why yet, but he keeps following me. I already established that he doesn’t want revenge for Gai, so the only explanation is that he’s bored and that he ran out of people to annoy. Usually he just bothers Asuma or Genma, but… Well, I don’t really care anyway. Just pretend he’s a rock or something.”

“Maaa,” drawled the guy, emerging from his book, revealing a masked face and grey hair spiking in the most improbable haircut Ino had ever seen. “I may just want to socialize.”

Anko looked at him dubiously. “Right. Because that’s what you do, Hatake. Socialize. With people. You.”

“I could!”

“Riiiight. Anyway, minions. Chop chop!”

.

Shopping with Anko was weird. Some shopkeepers never dared to argue against her, some greeted her warmly and asked her about people named Genma or Gai or Aoba, and others pretended really hard to not see her, nose upturned with disdain like the civilians usually did with Naruto. But people, especially people like shopkeepers who regularly deal with ninjas, always seemed to _recognize_ her. And when she smirked with that ominous smile, they almost tripped themselves in their haste to do whatever she wanted.  
The fact that she was quizzing Ino on the most horrible symptom of poisoning by such flower of such seed wasn’t helping.

Anyway, Anko-sensei was weird. But weirder was Kakashi. People didn’t seem to notice him, but that guy attracted chaos like a gigantic magnet. He was innocently reading his book but also side-stepping passers-by who stumbled and rammed into each other, he sometimes taped on somebody’s shoulder to cause them to turn around in the wrong direction, and he had already stepped twice between two carts, managing to blind-spotting them and nearly causing them to run into each other. All of that without stopping reading this book or seeming to pay the least amount of attention to the crowd around them.

Ino was starting to wonder if trouble was glued to the soles of his sandals or if he was born a natural asshole.

“I really need all of that?” grumbled Naruto, peeking inside the big paper bag Anko had shoved in his arms.

Kakashi gracefully side-stepped and went past a large woman carrying two heavy bags of fruits, and three steps later Ino realized he was eating an apple that had mysteriously appeared in his hand. Anko stole it from him and used it as a throwing weapon against her grouchy student, who was caught by surprise and let it bounce on his forehead. Ino sniggered.

“Chakra-sensitive paper, ink, and three brushes, that’s the minimum,” Anko chided. “Now, let’s go find some coats for you two! One-kun, you should get rid of the jumpsuit too. Orange is cool –new rule: orange is awesome and any orange ninja is to be feared- but it’s impractical.”

“It’s super-practical!” yelled an indignant Naruto. “Believe it!”

“It’s almost too big for you” Anko said bluntly. “If an enemy can grip a handful of it and use that to trap you, you’re screwed. You can’t let it go easily either. Ino-chan has some loose clothing, way less than you, but if somebody pulls it, she can let it go and the guy will only have a skirt in his hand, and not a trapped kunoichi.”

Naruto gaped at Ino, slowly reddening and probably imagining her fighting only in panties. The girl rolled her eyes, tossing her ponytail over her shoulder. Boys. So naïve.

“I don’t have bandaged thighs for nothing, you idiot. I’m actually wearing fitting shorts under the skirt and the bandages.”

“Why don’t you just wear pants then?” blinked Naruto.

“Because it distracts people” interjected Kakashi, who was wearing a hat that wasn’t on his head three seconds ago (and was disturbingly similar to one of the pieces displayed at a stall they just passed).

“Our stalker is right,” nodded Anko while Kakashi discreetly put his hat on some passer-by’s head. “It’s a false weakness, and it also sidetracks any ninja stupid enough to be a pervert on mission. Bonus: it’s pretty.”

Somewhere behind them, there was a commotion and some yells in the crowd, presumably caused by the innocent hat-wearing person coming across the robed hat-selling person. Kakashi didn’t bat an eyelash, looking for all the world like the very picture of innocence. Ino was _impressed_.

“Oh, I like this shop!” exclaimed Anko, stopping so suddenly that Ino knocked against her, and nearly fell down because her sensei was probably made of steel. “I bought my coat here. Let’s pay them a visit, shall we?”

Seeing as the shopkeeper squeaked and tried to hide behind the counter when they came in, he was certainly familiar with Anko’s brand of insanity. Her grin wasn’t exactly reassuring either.  
Ino almost asked her sensei if she had traumatized all the merchants of Konoha or if it was just an impression, but her gaze fell on a display and she squeaked, immediately forgetting her question.

“Ooooh, those boots are so cool! I have to try them! Quick, Naruto, hold my sandals! And go fetch that dark blue vest over here; it’ll look awesome on you.”

.

They left the shop with a new outfit for both Genin and some more (Anko had bought some pink underwear as a gag-gift for somebody named Gai, and new sandals), leaving a vendor twice as traumatized but counting happily his money.

Ino got brown ninja boots, fingerless gloves, a mesh undershirt to replace the bandages at her midriff, and purple shorts ( _very short_ , had said Kakashi, at which point Anko had stomped his foot so hard he turned purple under his mask) to replace her skirt. She also had a grey vest edged with orange (because Naruto had declared that orange was going to be their Team Thing, and Anko had thought that it was an awesome idea, so. Orange). The vest was plenty ample and, tied at her hips, was also acting as a skirt.  
Naruto had dark blue cargo pants with at least twenty pockets, an orange T-shirt because with him you couldn’t bypass the orange, and a short jacket almost the same shade as his pants. Orange was fashionable, true, but Naruto’s color was blue and Ino has (loudly) made sure that everyone in the shop knew that. It brought out his eyes and his tan.

“I don’t have enough for dango,” sulked Anko. “All my money is gone on clothes. Clothes! Why can’t ninjas be naturist?”

“It’s you who let them pick whatever they wanted,” Kakashi cheerfully pointed.

“Oh shut up Hatake.”

“You even let them pick stuff for the third guy…”

“Oh, Shino? Naruto took him a bandana and Ino some pouches to carry stuff. That definitely wasn’t what ruined me!”

“Was it the pink thong you got for Gai?” innocently asked the masked Jounin.

“… Yeah, let’s go with that. You think he’ll actually wear it?”

Kakashi opened his mouth to vehemently deny it, paused, then tilted his head: “Who know. If he thinks it’s a youthful gift, he might just show up only clothed with it.”

Anko blanched, and Kakashi smirked behind his book. Then, seeing as they were nearly at the Training Ground of Doom (also called the Ground of the Cursed Pond by Naruto for some reason) Kakashi decided it was time to leave. Ino and Naruto were already ten meters ahead, running toward their third teammate and chatting excitedly. Yup, time to go. He had fun, but no way he was letting himself getting roped into some insane training. Anko could keep up with _Gai_ : that was an indicator of insanity as well as a clear warning, and Kakashi was wise enough to follow it.

“Thereupon, I’ll take my leave” he said with a half-smile. “I have things to do.”

“What things?” curiously inquired Anko.

“… Stuff.”

“What stuff?”

“… Things.”

Anko glowered at him. “Uh. You really are an asshole, Kotetsu was right.”

Since she was friend with Genma, of course Anko knew Kotetsu and Izumo, the eternal Chuunins of Konoha. The two of them had been basically raised by Genma. Sure, they were barely six years younger than him, but they were kids when they lost everything to the Kyuubi. Genma was an independent Chuunin at the time, even if just a teenager. He had found them in the streets, offered them a place to stay because he was a bleeding heart and a mother-hen, and… they never left. So people who hung out with Genma never took long to met Izumo and Kotetsu.

“Kotetsu told you that?” theatrically gasped Kakashi. “That’s a dirty lie. See if I’m ever nice to a Chuunin again.”

Anko threw him a bewildered glance: “You are nice to Chuunins? For the love of all the red beans of this village, _why_?!”

Kakashi paused. Indeed, he couldn’t remember a single time where such a display of naivety on his part could have occurred. So he shrugged: “Well, if I was going to be in the near future, I changed my mind. Anyway. See you around, Anko-san.”

And he vanished in a swirl of leaves. Typical. Anko snorted, filed the talk under the file ‘weird things happening because I keep meeting weird people’, and hasted her pace to meet with her Genins. The three of them beamed at her when she joined them, and Anko took a second to admire Ino’s taste in fashion. With the dark blue bandana replacing his hirai-ate, and his pouches edged in orange, Shino was color-coded with both his teammates.

“Ready for some fun, minions?”

“YES, SENSEI!”

“Good! We’re going to do some warm-up, then a spar. Three-chan, have you picked a weapon to train with?”

“Uh, my mom’s sword… But I left it at home…”

“Well, One-kun, make a clone and go fetch it for your airheaded teammate. Three-chan, even if you can’t use that sword yet, I want you to carry it with you everywhere. You need to get used to the weight and the length of it. Two-kun, is your hive rested? Have you talked to Aburame Muta about mixing bugs and poison?”

“Yes, sensei.”

“Perfect! Now let’s begin the warm-up. An afterward, we’re going to play one of my favorite games. You’ll need exploding tags. A lot of them…”

 

**oOoOoOo**

 

Team 10 had its first mission today. Nothing exciting: just painting a fence. Their team was only one day old. Having a good idea of their respective abilities, Asuma had decided that training could wait, and they could begin missions. The more quickly they completed twenty D-ranked missions, the more quickly they could leave the village for C-ranked missions.  
Besides, working (even for something as trivial as painting a palisade) was helping them to find their place in the team. For example, Sasuke naturally acted as the boss and gave orders, but he watched over his two teammates like a hawk. The little avenger could be steered in the role of a protector, if Asuma played his cards right. Hinata was intimidated by the young Uchiha, but the lack of hostility from him and Chōji’s solicitude slowly reassured her, and she even offered advice to paint to top of the fence. Chōji himself was happy to follow Sasuke’s lead, and his debonair nature eased Hinata’s shaky confidence. They were working well together, concentrated and quiet…

BOOM.

… And the quiet was over, apparently. The three Genins started, and Asuma sighed in a puff of smoke. It wasn’t the first explosion, but the previous ones had been pretty far away, on the eastern training ground. Apparently the troublemakers were moving closer.

BOOM. _BOOM_.

“S-sensei?” Hinata shyly asked. “S-should we…”

“Nah,” dismissed Asuma. “If they’re smart, they’re sticking to unfrequented places. You’ll probably see them on the other side of the river, though.”

The three kids turned their heads in sync. The fence they were painting was following the river bank. On the other side of the river was an uneven field of wild grass, shrubs, and weeds: an unoccupied site, which would one day be converted into a construction site for a new building. That part of Konoha wasn’t very populated, and more than half the grounds were empty.

BOOOOM!

“It was closer,” said Sasuke, scanning the abandoned field. “Hinata, can you see anything?”

“B-Byakugan!” Hinata concentrated, activating her Dojutsu. “Y-yes, they’re coming towards us… It’s… I think it’s that crazy lady…”

Both boys shuddered as one, and Asuma blinked. Crazy lady? Did she means…

“She’s not alone!” exclaimed Hinata. “S-she is chasing… Naruto-kun, Ino-san, and Shino-san!”

“The Dead Last?” muttered Sasuke.

“I see them!” cried out Chōji.

Ino was the first to appear, running and jumping over the bank of the river just as a massive explosion shook the ground behind her, covering the field with smoke. Asuma expected her to dive in the water, but her hands took support on the surface as if it was solid ground, she pushed, and she landed on her feet, on the river and facing the threat, after a perfect flip. The sheathed sword strapped at her back almost knocked in the side of her head, but she stopped the motion with the practiced grip of someone who had already been caught once or twice.

Then she caught sight of them, and the skillful warrior who escaped explosions with acrobatics was replaced with a love-struck fangirl.

“Sasuke-kuuun! How are you?”

“Focus, Ino” Shino ordered quietly.

He was emerging from the smoke and joining her on the water’s surface, surrounded by a swarm of small bugs that rippled like some kind of black fire, ready to strike. His bandana, which covered his curly hair, metamorphosed his face and made him appear twice as threatening as before. Especially with the sunglasses… And the small round metallic thing, with a lighted wick, that he was taking from his pouch and was obviously a bomb.  
Goodness, _what was Anko teaching her kids?!_

That being said, Shino seemed to know what he was doing. He frowned at Ino, who sighed but reluctantly took her eyes from Sasuke, facing the smoke with renewed seriousness. Shino then threw his bomb into the cloud of black smoke, yelling “Incoming!” before covering his ears. Ino did it too.

Wisely, Team 10 imitated them.

The bomb… thing… exploded with a deafening bang, and cleared the entire cloud of smoke. _Compressed air_ , realized Asuma. Smart. He wearily took his hands of his ears, head still faintly ringing, just in time to hear a maniacal laugh.  
Curiously, it wasn’t Anko’s laugh.

“MWAHAHAHAHA!” Naruto guffawed at the top of the bank, now cleared of the smoke, and waving a handful of explosive notes. “Fear me, the great Uzumaki Naruto! The greatest pyromaniac of us all!”

“Where did he learn the word pyromaniac?” asked a dumbfounded Ino to no one in particular.

“I told him it was describing rather well his tendencies to use explosions to solve all of his problems,” smirked Shino. “Since his new motto is ‘if explosives notes don’t solve it, use more’, I think it’s fitting.”

“It’s also sensei’s motto.”

“Are you saying that she isn’t a pyromaniac?”

“… Good point.”

Naruto suddenly yelped and threw his explosives notes (apparently tied to a wire to make a long garland of destruction) toward something that Team 10 couldn’t see, hidden by the height difference between the bank where Naruto was standing and the rest of the field. There was another massive explosion, with orange smoke this time (and it was unexpected enough that Asuma just stopped and starred, because what the hell), then a _fucking huge fireball_ shoot from the smoke and nearly incinerated their Jinchuuriki. He narrowly escaped with an acrobatic move worthy of Ino, and landed on his feet looking very surprised by his success.

Then there was a second fireball and this time Naruto’s escape made him fall right into the river.

“N-Naruto-kun!” gasped Hinata.

“Mwahahgnuhuhuhu,” cackled Anko, slowly emerging from the smoke like some nightmarish creature, eyes gleaming, a demented grin on her face, and her coat flapping behind her (Asuma didn’t miss the stiffening of his three students at the sight of the newcomer). “Having fun yet, minions? How do you like my game of tag? Because I’m lovin’ it! I’M SO LOVIN’ IT!”

Naruto surfaced, spluttering and coughing, and climbed back into the bank, facing their sensei: “It’s not over yet!”

“You’re kinda trapped,” pointed a smirking Anko. “And your exploding notes must be soaked now. You didn’t take the water-resistant paper!”

“We’re so dead,” muttered Ino, her hand reflexively going to the handle of her sword.

“Not yet,” murmured Shino.

As on cue, Anko began the seals for a new fireball, Naruto made some kind of hand-sign behind his back, Ino and Shino looked at each other… And they both ran like hell towards Team 10. Asuma widened his eyes, realizing what was going to happen…

_BOOM!_

The river _exploded_. Water flew everywhere, drowning the field, the street on the other side, the half-painted fence, and Team 10 too. The impact tackled the Genins to the ground, so powerful that even Sasuke gasped. After the massive initial wave, the rest of water fell as delicate rain, finishing soaking everything in a twenty-meter radius.

Naruto, Shino and Ino were nowhere to be seen.

Anko began to laugh.

Asuma sighed. Oh boy. Team 4 was going to be a walking disaster. Mainly for their enemies, sure, but there would be so much collateral damages. Like his sanity, for example. And his peace of mind. Or the cushy little routine he had carefully scheduled for his team.

“Ino has a sword?” stuttered Chōji. “And _she can walk on water_? And Shino, too?!”

“N-Naruto-kun did t-this?” Hinata stammered.

Sasuke turned to Asuma, eyes wide and composure forgotten: “How did they get so strong?”

Oh yes. Goodbye, cushy routine. It was nice thinking you were a possibility. You know, before the power-seeking obsessed Uchiha (that he had so carefully side-tracked!) realized the effect of intensive training.  
Well, at least they didn’t see what Gai did to his students. Asuma wouldn’t have survived _this_.

.

Shino was having fun.

A great deal of fun, actually. If he hadn’t been an Aburame, he would be maniacally cackling by now. But since he was calm and dignified and was supposed to have little to no humor, he was just slightly smirking behind his high collar. The civilian they were crossing in the streets appeared mildly creped out.  
Or maybe it was because of the ominous gleam in Ino’s eyes, and the fact that she was spinning a razor-sharp senbon between her fingers.  
Unless it was the evil sniggering of Naruto, who was rubbing his hands like some caricature of a third-rate villain?

“Putting the exploding notes in little waterproof bags was genius, Shino!” exclaimed Naruto, hopping in his enthusiasm. “And I never noticed that when I make a Kage Bunshin, it has a perfect replica of all my tools. I would never have thought of this trick with the river if you hadn’t pointed that! But now I know that… As long as I have exploding notes on me, I can replicate them to infinity thanks to my clones. I’m a walking bomb-generator, mwahahahaha!”

Shino faintly inclined his head. “It was my pleasure. Besides, as our trap specialist, you are our best chance to escape Anko-sensei until the time-limit. Helping you to improve your techniques is in our collective interest.”

And seeing Sasuke’s face when the river had blown up had been so worth it!

Shino didn’t have anything particular against Sasuke. But, as most girls in their class were in love with him, most boys… didn’t like him. At all. Some of them because were jealous of Sasuke’s popularity with the girls, or of the teachers’ leniency, or of his good grades. Some of them because Sasuke was an asocial ass who dismissed people (earnest, kind people, boys and girls and teachers and concerned parents alike) with hurting words without any care. Some of them, like Shino, just didn’t like the way he watched the word, with so much disdain, so much anger.

… Also, he was a rude twit with an attitude problem. That, and he once smashed a ladybug on his desk.

(Shino still held a grudge.)

“Anyway,” interjected Ino. “We lost her for the time being, but she’ll find us eventually. I don’t know how she does it but she _always_ finds us. She’s probably already watching us.”

“As long as we stick to crowded streets she won’t engage” reassured Shino, readjusting his glasses.

“Hey, since we’re here, can we get a cup of ramen?” hopefully asked Naruto.

They were in one of the main streets of Konoha, a very busy place. Civilians and ninjas alike were walking, shopping, and greeting each other. It was almost time for lunch, and restaurants were slowing becoming full. A lot of people preferred to eat outside when given the choice, and few went home to cook themselves. Ninjas, especially, were terrible cooks. Besides, the weather was perfect for eating while enjoying the sun. And the Akimichi’s branch of restaurants and their special coking were nothing to scoff at…

“We’ll eat when we’re finished the game,” scolded Ino. “We just have to hold on for half-an-hour anyway. Afterward, we’ll eat ramen if you want.”

“Yeah!”

“Oh, that remind me,” Ino remembered suddenly. “Would you like to come eat dinner at my home, both of you?”

Shino blinked, surprised. That… wasn’t something he had expected from Ino, of all people. No because she wasn’t a nice person (even if, let’s be honest, Ino was nice with a very restricted number of people. Otherwise, she was bossy and mean, and Shino could totally understand why Anko-sensei had chosen her, of all people, to round off Team Awesome). But Ino was… selfish. She didn’t pay a lot of attention to others people or their needs.

That was what caused her fight with Sakura: she failed to notice that friend was in love, too. That was why Shikamaru thought her to be ‘troublesome’: they knew each other since they were toddlers, and Ino never let him laze around because she didn’t care if he liked cloud-watching, she wanted to play. That was why no girls dared to defy Ino in the playground: she wasn’t really careful of others people feelings, and once she crushed Hinata’s self-esteem to pieces with a casual remark after a spar. Ino didn’t notice, but everyone else did.

Well, everyone maybe Kiba and Naruto, because they had the subtlety of a wall of bricks.

Anyway. Back to the point.

(Shino had a slight tendency to get lost in thought a lot. Fortunately, the sunglasses hid his vacant look. It made him look intimidating instead of stoned. God bless the person who invented sunglasses.)

“You sure?” was saying Naruto, hesitating but eyes full of hope.

“Have you asked your parents?” Shino inquired tonelessly.

“Well… Not yet,” conceded Ino. “But I’m going to! As soon as I’ll be home. They won’t mind anyway. They always say I should make real friends. And you’re real friends, right?”

“You bet we are!” Naruto yelled. “The realest of friends, believe it! And I never get back on my word!”

Ino smiled, and even Shino couldn’t help but feel a puff of affection. Naruto radiated sincerity. After getting to know him, after being the recipient of his promises of friendship and loyalty… it was hard to not like him, despite his loud and brash behavior.

“I’ll ask my parents too” Shino decided, putting back his glasses on his nose. “Tomorrow should be fine. We’ll have a team dinner at my home.”

“That’s cool,” a familiar voice said lightly. “Am I invited?”

The three kids froze. Slowly, they turned, coming face to face… well, face to chest… with Anko-sensei, who was sporting an ominous smile and three senbons gleaming with some green substance (probably not friendly stuff).

“You can’t attack when there’re civilians around!” squeaked Naruto.

“Ah, my cute minions,” Anko theatrically sighed. “Attacking in busy places is forbidden because we could hurt those clumsy civilians. But you know what a good assassin can do? Bring down their target unnoticed and without the slightest fuss, even in a massive crowd.”

And Mitarashi Anko, tokubetsu Jounin, was an infiltration and assassination specialist. Shino got the memo and bolted simultaneously with Ino, while Naruto took a second longer (probably because he was trying understanding the subtle message Anko was attempting to send). It didn’t save them. Before completing three steps, Shino felt a sharp sting on his shoulder, lost all feelings in his muscles, and fell like a potatoes sac in the middle of the road.  
At least he was lucky, he though with fatality. He fell on dust and hard earth. Ino, just next to him, was sprawling on a spot full of sharp gravel, and would have been wincing if her facial muscles were still under her control.

“I so do love paralytics,” cackled Anko. “This one last for three hours, enjoy. So! New scenario, minions! You’re paralyzed in enemy territory, if you’re found you’re dead! I’m going to buy dango in the shop over there. You better escape before I come back! Or else, you’ll get thrown into the Cursed Pond Of Doom!”

And she sauntered away, leaving her student face down on the road. Shino rolled his eyes… as much as he could with the paralytic.  
Of course it wasn’t going to be so easy. Of course their safe places, where they went to hide, revealed themselves to be traps, giving the advantage to their enemy. Of course they were supposed to expect the worst and be prepared to the unexpected (… that would make a cool Rule, too.), because that was what ninjas did. But still.

Anko-sensei was such a sadist.

 

**oOoOoOo**

 

Sarutobi Hiruzen had become pretty efficient when dealing with paperwork. Well, he had almost fifty years in the office. That sure helped.  
Anyway, paperwork was the bane of every ninja’s existence and the Hokage wasn’t an exception, but the Sandaime managed to deal with the administrative part of his job everyday with little to no delay. All the Chuunins assigned to desk-duty one day or another were in awe of his good organization. He squeezed in stamping files, reviewing reports, examining requests, checking the expense of some facilities, or organizing meetings into a fast-paced schedule that needed to be adjusted every day. No secretary could quite follow his pace of work. When an urgent file was put on his desk, you could be sure it would be read, reviewed, and approved (or rejected) within the day.

When it was a non-urgent file, however, it could take two days. This short delay, which was making all the ninja on administrative duty swoon over its brevity, was the height of procrastination for the efficient old man.

(When he was a kid, Homura called him ‘the paperwork ninja’. But it may also been because Hiruzen was the one in charge of writing their missions report, since he was the only one with a somewhat legible writing, and Tobirama-sensei had firmly decreed that he would not put up with Koharu’s spidery handwriting any longer.)

Anyway.

Umino Iruka had dropped off the file on the new Genins’ assignments at the Hokage office yesterday first thing in the morning. If Hiruzen had been anyone else, the file would have stayed here, buried under tons of papers labeled ‘URGENT’, during a good week. But the Sandaime being the ultimate paperwork ninja (a fearsome skill indeed), the desk was cleared in less than two days, and the Sandaime decided to review the team assignments to conclude his day. A nice, predicable file without any talk of bad news, dead bodies, spies and paranoia.  
Hiruzen sat on his chair, opened the file, and promptly choked on his puff of smoke.

 _Oh_ , he realized with some amusement. _That’s why Kakashi avoided my office like the plague._

Well. Hiruzen didn’t have any problem, per se, with some… improvisation. Creative thinking was a good quality for a ninja to have (and he was rubbing it in Danzo’s face everyday where he crossed that old goat). And he trusted Kurenai, Asuma, Anko and Raidō, of course he did!  
But… Naruto and Anko? Really?

She would make him fiercely loyal, no doubt about that (Anko’s loyalty was one of the surest of the village. Ironic, when you knew who had been her sensei). And she wouldn’t take gloves to explain him the harsh realities of a shinobi’s life, but she would never be cruel to him. She didn’t see the Kyuubi in him, after all, which was better than most of Konoha’s ninjas.  
But still. Anko was too fond of pranks and explosions for the peace of mind of half the village’s council. She wasn’t going to reign in Naruto’s temper. Or even attempt to hide it behind a polish of respectability. Goodness, she was almost loud and rude and brash as the boy himself! She wasn’t going to bother with subtlety, no, she was going to overpower him and make him some kind of bulldozer who smashed straight into the enemy lines until there was only rubble left. Naruto was never going to follow Minato’s footsteps.

… Oh God, he was going to be some mini-Jiraya. A loud weirdo specializing in massive destruction and stupid jokes. Please help.

And they gave Anko a Yamanaka too. _Inoichi’s_ daughter. Was Hiruzen the only one to remember the prissy and burning temper of Inoichi when he was a kid? Or the demented laughter of Hanako, his wife, when she wielded a sword on the battlefield? Hanako scarred Iwa half to death before she was forced to retire after a grievous wound that resulted in the amputation of her leg. If her daughter had her father’s aggravating temper and her mother battle-fever…

And an Aburame, oh god. _Shibi’s_ son. Granted, Aburame were rather calm and this boy, Shino, was probably no exception. But Shibi was one of the few people who were friends with _Inuzuka Tsume_. Shibi took tea with her, sparred with her, took missions with her, and sassed the Hyuuga head of clan with her during the Clan’s Heads meeting. And they put his kid with a prissy Yamanaka, a brash prankster who constantly evaded ANBU since he was nine, and an assassination specialist with a dangerous fondness for explosions and sadistic exercises?

And for the love of God, who decided that putting an Hyuuga and an Uchiha on the same team was a good idea?! That kind of thing was just not done. Hyuuga and Uchiha had been rivals forever, and trying to put wielder of the two most prized Dojutsu of Konoha together on missions… It was opening a whole can of worms.  
And a whole civilian-born team? Three Genin with no parents or chlan or relative or even ninjas acquaintances? It was really unbalanced! The usual ratio was at least of two ninja-raised kids for one civilian-raised! Raidō’s team was totally breaking the pattern!

The Hokage rubbed his temples, and beckoned his current assistant a little closer. The man, a tired-looking Chuunin, approached wearily:

“Hokage-sama?”

“Bring me the person in charge of the team assignments, and the new Jounins-sensei. And Hatake Kakashi. And my headache tisane.”

Somewhere in Konoha, probably in the training ground close to the Academy (and, consequently, close to the Hokage tower), an earth-ratting explosion distantly echoed. Hiruzen briefly closed his eyes, and corrected himself:

“The tisane first, please.”

.

“So,” began the Hokage. “Can someone explain to me how you came up with this team’s assignments? And why Kakashi isn’t a Jounin-sensei, as I explicitly recommended it this year? Where is Kakashi, by the way?”

Raidō, Asuma, Kurenai, Anko and Iruka (who was sweating bullets because he had no idea of what he’d done wrong but a grim-faced Chuunin had convoked him in the freakin’ Hokage’s office with four Jounin, nothing good could come out of this) exchanged glances. Finally, Asuma shrugged:

“No idea. So, why are we really here, Dad?”

“Yeah,” nodded Anko. “Your paperwork-bitch wasn’t super-clear.”

“Please stop referring to my secretary like that,” sighed Hiruzen, looking pained. “Somebody thought clever to make name-tag with this particular designation and I already found two registration forms to make this an official assignment of the village’s administration.”

That was probably Izumo’s idea. Or Kotetsu? They had been the firsts to come with this idea after all. Wisely, Anko decided to not throw the two Chuunins under the bus. Genma would sulk for day and Anko needed a non-sulking drinking partner, after all.

“What” the Hokage enounced clearly, “are those teams? It’s absolutely not what was planned!”

“There was a clerical error…” Iruka tried weakly.

“Oh come on Dad!” Asuma interrupted loudly. “The original were probably shit. What, did you planned a new Ino-Shika-Chō? The kids aren’t their parents! Shikamaru is even worse than his father. Were you going to put Sasuke with the Dead Last? That kid is so condescending he would have shoot down every teamwork exercise. Were you going to put the Hyuuga kid with a tracking team to avoid frontal combat because Hiashi’s being paranoid?”

“The Ino-Shika-Chō has been our most successful capture-and-interrogation team,” protested the Sandaime.

Kurenai crossed her arms, huffing and frowning. “With all due respect, Hokage-sama, we can do better than just repeat old tricks. Shikamaru can fulfill his role as a strategist and a capture specialist just as well with a genjutsu specialist instead of a Yamanaka, and a Inuzuka instead of an Akimichi.”

… Good point. The Sandaime changed his angle: “The all civilian team is disadvantaged compared to the others. There is a reason why we use a ratio of two ninja-raised Genin to one civilian-raised in all our Genin teams.”

“The kids have all moved in the same building as me,” countered Raidō respectfully but without backing down. “It’s a ninja neighborhood and I introduced the kids to everyone. They are tutored by Aoba in addition to me, and Genma is already arranging schedule with Kotetsu, Izumo, Gai and Ebisu to watch over them if some of us are sent on missions. My students are not civilian-raised, not anymore.”

“Right, the Hokage said faintly. “But about Uzumaki Naruto…”

Anko squinted threateningly, but both her and the Sandaime were cut when the door opened, reveling an exhausted-looking paperwork-bitch… sorry, secretary… who was, wide-eyed and jumping at the smallest noise, leading Hatake Kakashi to the Hokage’s office. If said secretary had just tracked down the Copy-Nin in the village, Asuma could understand why he was looking on the verge of a breakdown.

“Yo!” Kakashi lazily waved. “Sorry I’m late. When I heard you were looking for me, I had to explain to a poor kid why I was taken away and we were overheard by one of his friend, who made quite a fuss and rounded up three man who were drinking at a bar…”

“That’s weirdly elaborated compared to usual,” blinked Raidō.

“Wait” Anko said slowly. “Weren’t you stalking my students, Hatake?”

The man innocently blinked. Since Anko had seen him do this exact face just before causing a cart accident in the middle of the road and pocketing one of the drivers’ gloves at the same time without anyone noticing, Anko called bullshit on that one.  
Asuma just groaned.

“What did you do?”

Kakashi smiled, his eye wrinkling with amusement, and the office’s door swung open.

“DAD THEY WANT TO DISSOVE MY TEAM!” wailed Ino.

Since she was dragging behind Yamanaka Inoichi, himself followed by a curious-looking Akimichi Chōza and a bored Nara Shikaku, Anko feel the potential for drama sky-rocket. Oooooh. _A girl who rounded up three drunks!_ You genius, Hatake. Of course he talked about this ‘mysterious meeting because the Hokage probably wanted to change teams’ to one of the boys of Team 4 (probably Shino)… And it happened just in front of _Yamanaka Ino_. Who has just finished training and, as promised, was going to fetch her dad to ask him about inviting her teammates over. And where did she usually fetch her dad? At the bar where Inoichi frequently meets up with his old teammates (and sometime other terrifying people like Morino Ibiki).  
Hatake managed to bring the Ino-Shika-Chō on this. Brilliant.

“Hokage-sama,” Inoichi said guardedly. “I don’t really know what’s going on, but seeing as the new Jounins-sensei are here, I must ask…”

“No decision has been taken,” assured Kurenai.

“Nor will one be,” added Asuma just to piss off his father.

“Good,” yawned Shikaku. “Shikamaru’s finally motivated for something because of his teammate. It would be too troublesome to change his assignment and having to battle his laziness again.”

“Like you’re one to talk,” snorted Chōza good-naturally. “But you’re right, the actual teams are better than I though. Being on a strong taijutsu team has done wonder for Chōji, he’s finally giving all he has! He’s so confident now. He brought lunch to his teammates already, and they’re going to dinner at home next Monday!”

Poor Sandaime-sama, knowing he was losing ground, opened his mouth to argue… then the door swung open once more, banging on the wall so hard the Yondaime’s portrait nearly crashed on the floor, and Inuzuka Tsume barged in, suddenly occupying all the space with her imposing presence, her threatening glare, and the sheer volume of her outraged yell:

“WHAT THE HELL?! Somebody think my baby isn’t good enough to be with the Nara kid?!”

“Troublesome” mumbled Shikaku.

“You over-react” Aburam Shibi declared tonelessly, stepping from behind the Inuzuka clan’s head to take place right next to her. “As Shino-kun said, his intel is vague at best. Maybe Hokage-sama merely desired more information about the teams’ balance.”

“What are you doing here?” asked Ino to Shino, who was following his father.

Shino raised an eyebrow: “After you left with you father and his three friends, I went to ask my father about this rumor. He was talking with Tsume-san near the Inuzuka compound and she overheard what I said. After asking her son Kiba more clarification and failing to obtain it, Tsume-san decided to ask Hokage-sama herself.”

“That make sense,” nodded Ino. “Do you know where Naruto is?”

“He shouldn’t be far behind us.”

The door opened violently again, and this time the poor Yondaime’s picture crashed to the floor and didn’t survive. In the general chaos, though, nobody noticed.

“I TOLD YOU!” was yelling Naruto, pointing accusatively at the assembled adults. “THEY’RE GOING TO TAKE AWAY OUR TEAMS!”

Sakura gasped, horrified, and the three students of Raidō began to protest, the girl even bursting into tears. Kiba started to yell at the Hokage, causing his mom to swat him on the back of the head so hard he nearly fell, and then he began to shout at his mom, who shouted right back. Sasuke and Chōji instantly took a step back, and Hinata shyly hid behind her, lips trembling. Shikamaru and his father exchanged a glance meaning so clearly ‘this is troublesome’ that they could have yelled it.

“You rounded them up really fast,” approved Shino.

Naruto beamed: “Thanks! But Kiba had already found Sakura and Shikamaru and they were going here too, and we passed right next to Team 2’s training ground. I just had to find Team 10 after that, and Shikamaru knew at which restaurant they were going, so it was really easy!”

Anko sniggered behind her hand. Oh, clever minions! Barely two days as her apprentices and they were already great at making mischief and creating chaos. Wonderful. She needed to think of a way to reward them for their good little plan and their quick thinking.  
Maybe a game of tag with Ebisu as a target. That guy was the perfect victim.

“Are we going to change teams?” finally asked Kiba loud enough to be heard above the racket.

“It hadn’t been decided,” sighed the Hokage.

“He’s not happy with these current assignments,” frowned Raidō.

Then he had to awkwardly pat Mina’s head because she was crying. The two boys, Otani and Kinji, looked close to tears too. For them, leaving their team was leaving their new family. Of course, it was even more horrible for them. Hiruzen was feeling a little bad, making three orphans cry because he wanted to take them away from their new parental figure.

“Who would be my teammates, then?” asked directly Sasuke.

“It is not decided yet,” offered the Hokage.

Anko elbowed Asuma, who cleared his throat and said loudly: “Either Naruto or Kiba, I think.”

Sasuke scoffed, Kiba and Naruto began yelling and screaming in horror or disdain, and the Hokage weakly tried: “But you’ll have one of our top Jounin as a sensei!”

“Him,” Asuma pointed at Kakashi.

Sasuke looked at Asuma (tall, confident, standing straight), then at Kakashi (weird hair, weird mask, lazy slouch). To complete his first impression, the Copy-Nin volunteered:

“I’m always three hours late at everything and I read porn in public.”

Sasuke slowly turned to the Hokage, ‘are you kidding me’ virtually written on his face. Hiruzen glowered at Kakashi, who pretended seeing nothing and reading his book with an impressive concentration. Kurenai was gaping; Anko and Asuma were sniggering like schoolgirls; Inoichi had hidden his face in his hand with a touch of drama that was entirely unnecessary in Hiruzen’s opinion. Chōza as looking vastly entertained, Shikaku was discreetly smirking, and Tsume, laughing her ass off, had to lean on Aburame Shibi. Raidō, still patting his student’s back, was memorizing every details of this scene, because he needed to find Genma and tell him immediately that the Hokage had been outsmarted by Kakashi and bullied by a dozen of twelve year-olds.

“Fine,” the Hokage finally ceded. “FINE! The teams can stay as they are! I changed my mind. You’ll arrange some particular training with other Jounin or other teams if needed. I can already see you show great teamwork.”

“You bet, Jiji!” yelled Naruto. “We have the best teams ever, believe it!”

“Right,” sighed the Hokage who was growing too old for this shit. “The meeting is over, you can all go.”

“It was a pleasure, old man!” cheerfully exclaimed Tsume, grabbing Kiba by his collar and leaving the office in the same breath. “Come on, Shibi, dinner at my house to celebrate this successful and completely unnecessary meeting?”

“With pleasure, Tsume. Come, Shino.”

“Actually Shino is invited at my house,” informed Ino, still dragging her father by the sleeve. “Him and Naruto, of course. And Anko-sensei, too. It’ll be a team dinner! You’re okay with it, hm, Dad?”

“Sure, sweetie, sure…”

“Yeah!”

All the invaders departed, one after the other, and Hiruzen ended up alone in his office, with the door slightly ajar, the Yondaime’s portrait on the floor, and a wonderful silence. The Sandaime Hokage massaged his temples, and took a second to ponder on the surrealism of what had just happened. It certainly hadn’t gone the way he expected it.

Oh, whatever. They’ll be fine. Besides, it was all Kakashi’s fault. If anything went wrong, Hiruzen would blame him. It would make Danzo and the council twitch, too: that was an added bonus.

And if Kakashi didn’t like it… Meh. It built character!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's your comment, dont'-call-me-Carrie, who inspired Anko's game of tag xD Explosions everywhere !
> 
> So, when i wrote the part with Kakashi and Anko, i was so proud of me because they are so snarky and fun and the dialog was virtually writing itself. Then, when i reviewed it afterward, i paused. Because the line about being nice to Chuunin... I think my brain picked it from a fanfic. I can't recall wich one, but i'm sure i read that exact line before.  
> I still left it, because after erasing it (when in doubt, obliviate! A good fanfic too, that one) and writing their dialog again, it wasn't as fluid. But it's nagging me. I KNOW THAT LINE, GOD DAMN IT.
> 
> EDIT : OMG IT'S FROM 'STRORMBORN'. The line isn't EXACTLY the same, as are the characters' reactions, but it's really something that i read, not created. GOMENASAI, OH BLACKKAT-SENSEI *bend head in shame*


End file.
